Today is a day of Wardrobe Malfunctions.
Now, don't get your hopes up/down - my nipples have not been peeking from beneath my shirt all day, but lemmie tell you what is occurring in a wondrous pattern of pure aggravation:
1. My left bra strap is in constant retreat - what the hell makes it do that? And why only one?
2. My sleeves are too long on my gorgeous purple velvet blazer so I look a bit like I've stolen one of Harry's (or a random gay man's) suit jacket.
3. I have a hurt place in my mouth - and although this does not count as WMD (Wardrobe Malfunctions Delimna) it is quite annoying.
4. My socks keep slipping down into my shoes and no matter how much I tug, grunt, grovel, beg and plead, they refuse to cease retreating.
5. My white dress blouse, too, seems to hell bent on flying off as well. I am constantly shrugging it back down, in a battle I have won to fight the bulge - or showing my tummy bulge as the case may be...
6. My left earring is longer than my right one. They are gorgeous Swarovski dangles that were made with the utmost care except for the left one - the post has slipped out of the ball and no matter how much I try to cram the post back in - it just slips back out. So - I'm trying to bring back the eighties. And losing.
7. I have a large stain on my outter thigh. I don't know what it is, where it came from or what it wants. I shall leave it be and ignore it.
8. My underwear has snowflakes on it - and it's March. 'Nuff said.
9. My purse is a brown and tan Louis Vuitton. Purchased at Saks Fifth Avenue it is my coveted treasure in a sea of WV fakes - and it doesn't hold shit. I crammed my organizer in there only to realize that my keys, sunglasses and pill case (never leave home without it) won't fit. So I carry them separately.
The things we do for the Frivolity Festiveness of Fashionista-like Fun!