Thursday, March 9, 2006

Grrr, Baby.

I feel restless.

Like a tiger stuck in an ugly wooden 5x5 cage.

With tormenters throwing faxes at me, and prebills and dull conversation pelting my brain with little thuds of consciousness.

I want to roar. But doing so would make my throat hurt (like that time I tried to sing Mariah Carey's "Hero" and stripped my vocal chords) and maybe produce an aneurism - which would, by default, release me from the doldrums of today.

Last night I lied on my bed with my traumatized kitty. She stared at me and I stared at the ceiling visible between the slats of my over-sized four poster bed. An hour and a half later I had finally come to a conclusion: my ceiling is friggin' ugly.

I finished a book last night : "A Total Waste of Makeup" by Kim Gruenenfelder and the first 3/4 of the book was pretty good. Not great, but entertaining. But the last 1/4 left me feeling - well - pissed off. I hate when I spend my time reading a book that fails to complete anything by the end of the last chapter. The main character was no more changed than she was in the beginning! I was literally worse off for reading this and that makes me mad. I am a firm believer that when someone spends their precious and fleeting time doing something purely self-satisfying in nature (i.e. sitting down and taking time to read) then it should be a two-way street of pleasure. Entertain me, dammit, or show me something funny, heart-breaking, fury-inspiring or invoking of awe by Chapter Two! Ugh!

The melancholy in my office is so thick right now you could choke on it. And I think I have. My guess? I have 24 hours left to live. After that - my spirit will have been devoured by the suckiness of my job and the little hell in to which I step willingly, every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and begrudgingly on Friday.

So, today I will remain a Tiger, restless, hungry, and slightly pissed off because my stripes will not change, and my stripes will not fade and my stripeswill not turn into something that's - more than this.

"Don't feed the animals - they may know a bit of happiness if you do."





1 comment:

nonojean3 said...

You are just like your cat slightly pissed off.  All that talk of tigers I started singing "Eye of the Tiger".  

It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
And he's watchin' us all with the eye of the tiger