I feel restless.
Like a tiger stuck in an ugly wooden 5x5 cage.
With tormenters throwing faxes at me, and prebills and dull conversation pelting my brain with little thuds of consciousness.
I want to roar. But doing so would make my throat hurt (like that time I tried to sing Mariah Carey's "Hero" and stripped my vocal chords) and maybe produce an aneurism - which would, by default, release me from the doldrums of today.
Last night I lied on my bed with my traumatized kitty. She stared at me and I stared at the ceiling visible between the slats of my over-sized four poster bed. An hour and a half later I had finally come to a conclusion: my ceiling is friggin' ugly.
I finished a book last night : "A Total Waste of Makeup" by Kim Gruenenfelder and the first 3/4 of the book was pretty good. Not great, but entertaining. But the last 1/4 left me feeling - well - pissed off. I hate when I spend my time reading a book that fails to complete anything by the end of the last chapter. The main character was no more changed than she was in the beginning! I was literally worse off for reading this and that makes me mad. I am a firm believer that when someone spends their precious and fleeting time doing something purely self-satisfying in nature (i.e. sitting down and taking time to read) then it should be a two-way street of pleasure. Entertain me, dammit, or show me something funny, heart-breaking, fury-inspiring or invoking of awe by Chapter Two! Ugh!
The melancholy in my office is so thick right now you could choke on it. And I think I have. My guess? I have 24 hours left to live. After that - my spirit will have been devoured by the suckiness of my job and the little hell in to which I step willingly, every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and begrudgingly on Friday.
So, today I will remain a Tiger, restless, hungry, and slightly pissed off because my stripes will not change, and my stripes will not fade and my stripeswill not turn into something that's - more than this.
"Don't feed the animals - they may know a bit of happiness if you do."