I've been rude.
I've yet to introduce you to the new chick I work with at the law firm of Lawyerman, Lawyerman and Evil Lawyerman, PLLC.
Her name is "Annoying Girl."
Not very creative, I know - but my brain, as it is, immediately seizes up when she approaches my desk, bulky sweater wrapped doubly over her tiny, smoke-ridden frame and plops her elbows on my desk and issues a spewing bit of language that always, always begins with "Heeeeeeeeeeeey, Girrrrrrrrrrrrrl."
Every. Single. Time.
"Heeeeeeeey Girrrrrrrrrrl, Good Morning!"
"Heeeeeeeey Girrrrrrrrrrl, are you counting down the days until you leave?"
"Heeeeeeeey Girrrrrrrrrl, you make sure you tell your replacement to keep the candy bowl full!" Yeah. That's my number one concern right now as Unemployment looms before me like a hungry Jabba the Hut.
I just can't stand her. I'm a nice person, one of the nicest you'll ever meet - no joke. I will hold open doors for you, will not let the restaraunt door smack you in the face on my exit, will share my last bag of Fritos with you and slave over Google trying to find the perfect research topic for your twelve year old's report on "Famous Women of WV."
But sometimes, just sometimes, there are those people. The ones whom you meet and can't get rid of. The ones whose voice alone causes an eye twitch that lasts long past their overdue departure. The single person who can make one do actual work, actual honest-to-goodness "I'm workin' here!" work just to avoid conversation and the dreaded eye contact.
So, as I sit here and type this I can hear her eighty pound body slinking down the hall, her frizzy hair igniting in a glow of static electricity as she rounds the corner and then, before I can look away - she's heeee-re!
And I'm pretending to be busy.
Or John Frieda's Frizz-eeze! STAT!