Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Phone Etiquette and Totem Pole Hierarchy

Geez, my job is freakin' boring!

Lemmie show you a scene of my life that happens, oh, about 40 times a day:

ME: "Good Morning/Afternoon! Smithson, Lyle, Adkins, Farnam, and Levenstien!" (names changed to protect the guilty)

CALLER: Wow! That sure is alot of names! Bet you couldn't say that ten times in row!

ME: (Sigh) (fake hearty laugh) Sure I can, it's written on the wall right next to me in big gold letters!

CALLER: That's good! That's good! (man-giggles ensue because they are now incredibly giddy that they are not as low down on the Totem pole as I so obviously am)

This happens all the time. It doesn't get any funnier either. But still, I laugh, I chortle appreciatively and chuckle at the "clever" ones who came up with their own, new, more inventive way to belittle the "help's" lack of memory skills, and I seethe inwardly.

And while I'm on the subject of phone etiquette - do not talk over me when I am answering the phone! You may see yourself as the knight in shining armour-all, ready to wipe away the trouble of having to say many names in a row - but trust me - don't. I'm in a rut, you move me from my rut and instantly, I'm in a funk. And not the good kind, either. I am used to saying the names repeatedly and often, so, please, for the kindness of my tattered brain cells, let me speak!

That is all.

Please leave your name and number at the beep and we'll be sure to get back to you.



Monday, February 21, 2005

Holly the Two-Nosed Receptionist

So - I totally have a second nose growing in.

Yup. For some reason, God has decided to bless me with an additional, less-functional nose directly next to the old one (which wasn't all that cute to begin with and really didn't need repeating). With some pangs, I have to admit that this second nose is really just a humongous zit that makes any volcano I saw in Hawaii last summer just pale in comparison.

It's icky, it's gross and it now lives on my face.

Now, I don't normally get mondo zits - I get the occasional breakout pimple that sits on my nose for a couple of days, embarresses me thoroghly and then retreats for a month before reappearing to say "hi." But rarely do I get HUGE ones.

This morning I painstakingly layered moisturizer, zit cream, concealer and foundation on the blemish until I realized that I had just made my right nostril blend into my cheek making me look even more freakish than I first started out. Admitting defeat I washed my face and started reapplying the layers of cosmetics. This time I ended up with a pasty-looking scab. Ew. Ew. EW.

Finally I decided to just grin and bear it. I left my second nose red as Rudolph's and came to work ready to face the world - two noses and all!

Friday, February 18, 2005

Hawaii 5-oh!

Here are some pictures that were taken on my "second Honeymoon" with my hubby!


Thursday, February 17, 2005

Nightmares and Trashy Dreams

Had a horrible nightmare last night.  I dreamt that there was a spider web, hanging over my head while I was asleep.  Ickier still - there was hair in it.  Blonde hair woven throughout the sticky web and it was going to land on my face and smother me in my sleep.  In my bed. Alone.   Okay - now that's freaky enough - and you know what made it worse?  The fact that it disturbed me so badly that I sat up half the night terrified that a hair spider was going to land on me and end up lying it's eggs in my eyelids.     Any of you Freudians out there - please feel free to interpret and then get back to me 'cuz I sure as hell don't know what it means.  :)  

 On a lighter note, I once again topped the charts of domestic divahood by actually taking the trash out - again!  Now - I know that that seems like no big deal - but I am terrified of my neighbors.  I live in an ulta-snobby subdivision which has a list of unbreakable covenants that rival the bible in length (with similar wording). Everyday I live in fear that I have managed to unwittingly break one of these neighborhood codes and will be booted out of my house for no reason other than breaking the coveted "Thou shall only stack thy trash in a pyramid fashion."       

I am now sitting at the kitchen table, reveleing in my bliss of domestic tranquility and watching the O.C. (a show I don't detest - but don't really like either...).  It's nice.

AND tomorrow is Friday - which means I have two days of FREEDOM!!!  


Tuesday, February 15, 2005


This is Phoebe - I've written oodles about this little furball and thought ya'all may need a visual to go with the various stories that pertain to her! 

She is the one who protects me from the Boogeyman in the wee hours of the morning - she can fend him off by purring loudly and drooling ever so slightly on to his Boogeyman loafers!

Until next time!


Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy V-day!


 Yipppee! My lovely hubby came home this weekend and we spent much quality time together!


I am now at work desperately trying to cover up the large puce-colored remnant of that “quality time together” that is inconveniently located on the left side of my neck!


Nothing says “Happy Valentine’s Day” like a big ol’ hickey from the one you love!


Friday, February 11, 2005

Ready for Anything!

So - I am feeling like quite the little accomplished woman as of late.  Since it has now been a week since my dearly departed husband left me (no, not for that great big leather couch in the sky - but for a new job, silly!) and I am still alive, my cat has not been neglected, and I have managed to NOT burn the house down!

With pride I can report that I have single-handedly :  Cleaned up bug carcasses, gathered up the trash, remembered to take said trash to the corner and, I even went to the grocery store ( a place I find terrifying to go alone) all by my little ol' self!

I am so proud!

More later!