I was the picture of perfection.
I huffed, I snuffed, I puffed and I tantrumed (internally) until the doctor came in and declared my eyes no longer icky (I paraphrased him. A lot).
"Give her an eye rinse and then we'll try some lenses..." he muttered and walked out of the room. He had barely cleared the door when I was instructed to tilt my head back and look down. What happened next has only been documented in Chinese torture cells before - the woman --- SQUIRTED MY EYE WITH WATER!
"Aaaack!" I choked as I fluttered my eyes and gripped the chair.
"Next eye!" she half-screamed at me in a sing-song voice.
No sooner had I dabbed the dribbles from my right eye did she start spraying my left one. Her aim was less than stellar as I felt the water pool in my cleavage and nestle close to my earlobe.
When it was over and I was being consoled by another assistant, one that I had bonded with when I admitted to her that I was off Seasonique as it was "The Devil's Birth Control," she asked if I was okay.
I stuffed my bra with tissues (the first time since middle school) and fanned myself with my Sookie Stackhouse novel.
"I feel like I was just accosted by a clown with a seltzer bottle!" I said as I continued to mop up my person.
She started at me for a beat and then we both dissolved into mutual hysterical laughter.
So, the moral of the story is, even if you have to wait for three hours to see a doc and you're sprayed in the face by a sadistic nurse with a Bozo fetish, please try to keep smiling - after all - no one really wants to wait on you anyway. :)
PS - I'm in trial contacts now. If I "fail" the test these next few days - I'm banned from Bausch and Lomb for 6 weeks. If I fail it again and my eyes revolt and start resembling raisins again - I will be out of them for 6 months. Failure for the third time is the final straw and I will then be forever known as "Melancholy Holly and the Four Eyes of Ick."