Friday, March 10, 2006

Foghorns and Furrballs.

I went to Border's last night with my Mommy Dearest. We gathered up some books of interest and went to look through them in the newly opened cafe. Everyone was reading quietly or clacking away gently on laptops. It was nice. And then - they sat down. You know the people I'm talking about. A mom with four children who think everything is a jungle gym and a grandmother figure that craves Christopher and Banks and was oblivious to the fact that her voice was louder than most foghorns. Finally, they left, but not before yelling at everyone about how "DENISE GIVES THE BEST MANICURES ON MAH TOES! SHE'S JUST WONDERFUL AND HER MANINCURES ARE GREAT FOR TOES!"

It's called a PEDICURE, ya old bat!

I drop mom off and then go home, parking Jumbo the Denali in front of the garage (I really miss my garage door opener, sigh...). I remove my packages and hop from the car, walking briskly to the front door.

You see, I always think there is someone behind me - some crazy old man, some deranged teenager, or some rabid Cujo-ish animal ready to eat my face if I don't get the door opened fast enough. So when I hear a distinct rustle behind me, I jump and whirl around, keys still stuck in the door.

A black animal was running towards me.

"OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" I scream as it jumps up and looks at me with big yellow eyes - and meows.

This cute black cat that looked like Sylvester of Looney Toons just scared the ever-lovin' crap outta me! And I had just cursed very loudly in my neighborhood - which I'm sure is against the covenants.

"Hey, you! Kitty! Who do you belong to?" I coo at the former wilderbeast.

Then I hear the most horrible sound ever - Phoebe slamming herself against the door and screeching. Jealousy really doesn't become her.

For the rest of the night, Phoebe sits by the front doors, staring, as if she possessed x-ray vision to see her Sylvester Nemesis, and that one day, one day she will get the chance to settle the score... Dum Dum Dum!!!!!


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