Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Advice to my Overly-Pregnant Friend

Ways to get a baby man to leave his womb:

1. Talk to your belly. Ask him to rub your feet. And then do a load of laundry. And bring you a coke. And...

2. Tell him how happy you are and how you want him to stay with you forever and ever and never ever leave.

3. Eat a salad.

4. Start talking about your past menses.

5. Wear only pink clothes.

6. Fry chicken. Lay it on your lap. Tell him he can have some if he comes out.

7. Listen to Alanis Morsette on repeat. "jagged little pill"!

8. Tell him you'd like to "talk."

9. Light a smelly, girly candle and dim the lights - any guy would run from that!

10. And finally, if all else fails, ask him for money to buy craft supplies.


Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Cartman Did it

For a week h4 couldn't eat much. He was having a GI bug attack and all I could do was offer him a hug for comfort and a clean shirt for post-puking clean ups.
He lost so much weight in that week it scared me.

And then he started feeling better.

And, in two days, has managed to put back on all the lost weight plus some change.

He yells for more food and I jump, Happy to help but realizing, in true Dr Phil style, that our relationship is teetering on becoming that of Cartman and his mom.