I was just informed that glass tops on desks can spontaneously crack and gouge chunks out of themselves.
This was told to me by the cleaning lady of our office who was also the one who told me that the spots in the carpet were from coffee stains that occur when lawyers talk and fling their cups about (it was actually grease from the wheels of their carts) and that the wasps that try to hump my head were figments of my overactive imagination. I may have had to agree with them on the last part if one didn't LAND ON MY ARM AND WAS THE SIZE OF NEW YORK COCKROACH!!!! Really - I kept waiting for it to flap its wings and carry me off like some freaky, stingin' bird of prey.
If you see a chubby girl in an argyle vest (what?! it's cute - I swear!) being carried off by wasps (and not the tennis club kind) please send help.
Or Snickers bars.