Tuesday, August 8, 2006

Morning Commute

Things seen on my morning commute:

1.  Gas prices at $3.08.  I contemplate taking the bus to work before realizing that public transportation in Huntington is comparable to an outhouse on wheels.

2.  A woman in a small blue Toyota swerving all over the road.  At one point - she's so far to the right that she's about to go up on to the concrete median.   I pull up next to her.  She's applying mascara.  Now, I've seen this before - but never with such reckless abandon for things like - oncoming traffic.  So I smartly zip around her and try to put some distance between us.  I'm almost to Third Avenue when the same little car speeds around me and then cuts in front of me.  Nope.  Not quite in front of me - since she was in the middle of the road.  One half of her car was in the left lane and the other was in the right!  I honked to display my pissed-offness:  Pick a lane, asshead!  You can't have 'em both!  The worst part is - she's STILL applying coats of mascara!   Tammy Fae was running late for work this morning...

3. Soon after the "mascara-or-die" chick pulled off the road - I glanced over at a young blonde girl walking her dog.  The master and owner had matching pony tails that bobbed as they ran.  Huh. I guess it's true - we do end up looking like our pets...

4.  I got to work, sat down and began eating my pop tart and grape soda breakfast when a fax came in.  It was from the YMCA.  The irony is not lost on me.

5.  Actual conversation with idiot:  "Why does Mr. Lawyerman have two conference rooms scheduled for this date?" I was asked by designer imposter lady at work.  "Well, he always has two when he is mediating," I respond.  "I know that - but why does he need them on that date?"  I'm getting confused, frustrated and a tad homicidal.  "Maybe because he's hosting a mediation?"  I venture.  "I know that - I'll just ask his secretary."  Did I miss something here?   Oh yes.  Yes.  I missed the fact that she's a freakin' loon!

6.  While standing out in the humidity this morning - my sleek 'do turned into a nightmarish don't - poofing and waving in places that no hair ever should.  So now, I'm at work sporting a long, thick braid down my back. Which, if I did it right, the plat looks cute and messy - if I did it wrong - I'll look like a chubby Heidi reject. Now - where'd I put my Leiderhosen?

Update: I have just realized that when putting on my big "O-face" Tiffany necklace this morning - I neglected to remove my diamond pendant.  I am now at work - sporting two necklaces  - in no way related enough to look like I did it "on purpose" and am at a loss.  Do I take one off and risk losing it? And which one do I choose?  It's like trying to choose between children.  I just can't do it!  Agh! 

4 comments:

dpoem said...

Wear 'em both, and pretend your Mr. T.  It'll give you a great excuse to walk around saying things like "I pity the fool!"  

-Dan

princesssaurora said...

Leave them both on... start a trend...

be well,
Dawn

tenyearnap said...

Wrap one around your chubby Heidi braid. (Dammit, now I want Pop Tarts--I haven't had one in years!)

gazker said...

You only pay $3.08 a gallon?  We pay £1.04 a litre in the UK! Your'e a lucky Gal. Oh and don't eat pop tarts to often, they are full of crap and give you wind!
Have a great day ;-)