I hate when I get e-mails that instruct me to do actual work when I first get into the office in the morning. It's like a slap in the face of my budding creativity. I'm just waking up - please do not expect any actual work from me for at LEAST another two hours. E-mail me with instructions at 10 AM. I'll get back to you around 2 PM. Thanks!
Anyway, so I get to work, all clad in my mourning frock (my will to succeed has died, shriveled and crumpled like, um, something shrively and crumply...) when my e-mail beeps.
I have mail.
It's from the managing partner. "Please buzz me about this," it says in bold Times New Roman.
I sigh and take a bite of my breakfast pb-and-no-j sandwich.
I pick up the shiny black receiver and ring his office.
"You wanted me to buzz you?" I ask in a timid please-don't-yell-at-me-voice.
And then it happens.
From out of nowhere - a spider attacks.
It runs and scurries towards my exposed forearms.
"AAAAAAAAAGH! SPIIIIIIIIDER! AAAAAAAAAAGH! SPIDER ATTACKING!"
"Uh-" I hear from the other end of the line as my boss contemplates my sanity or lack of.
"AAAAAAAAAAAGH! SPIIIIIIIDER! WAIT! WAIT!" I pick up my phone message pad and smack it down on top of the attacking foe berserker. SMACK! SMACK!
"AAAAAAAAAGH! WHY DO THEY ALWAYS GO FOR MEEEEEEE?! WHYYYY?!" I wail and smack the desk again, checking for spider goo on my pad. "EWWWW!"
"Uh-" I hear him try to remain boss-like and not burst into lawyerman giggles over my dilemma.
"Okay - What did you need?" I am calm now as I tear the paper from the back of the message log and throw the bug gut goo into my black trashcan circa 1970.
"Uh-" I think I scared him. "Uh-"
"The e-mail?" I prompt.
"Oh - it didn't work." And I'm off to save the day! I'm like Mighty Mouse with smaller ears and bigger boobs. Fixing e-mails and killing crazy HUGE attackingspiders in one fail swoop!
"Heeeere I come to save the daaaaaaaaaay!"
SUPER RECEPTIONIST LADY!