Harry and I went car shopping last night after hearing back from the Ford Dealership about my beloved Escape: "Oh, it's okay, we've fixed everything except the ticking noise. See what happened was that we fixed the other side but not this here side so that's why you got's the ticking noise still happening. But don't you worry, we'll get her fixed!" Yeah - right. That car's gonna explode and leave a mushroom-shaped cloud in its wake...
So we went down the road to the Dodge Dealer. Harry made a bee-line to the Dodge Charger SRT that was sitting on the showroom floor. It was black. It was mean. It was shiny.
"Do you want to test drive it?" The dealer pronounced our last name correctly - which never, EVER happens.
"Can you get it off the floor? I hate for you guys to have to move-" Harry started but the salesguy cut him off.
"Not a problem." Ten minutes later and after jumping three dead showroom cars - we were on our way.
"You like it? I like it? You like it?" He's behind the wheel making the "O" face everytime he pushes the gas pedal. I worry he may be staining his pants.
"Hey - what's a 'Gas Guzzler fee'?" I ask him.
"Oh -that? It's a one time fee that you pay when you buy a car that uses more gas than a typical car," he explained and then adjusted himself on the comfy seat all the while holding the "O" face.
"So... You pay more money because you're gonna have to spend more money on gas? That doesn't seem fair." I was obviously perturbed.
"It's a one time fee - and it's usually on high end cars or more expensive ones..." His voice trailed off as he found the auto-stick feature.
"So - you PAY MORE to PAY MORE?" I was shocked. This was the equivalent of price-gouging/wallet-gouging.
"You only have to pay it once - ohhhhhh!" He found the lumbar.
"That's not right..." My voice trailed off as I crossed my arms and fumed at the car maker for making such a ridiculous car for such a crazy price with an insane "Gas Guzzler" fee. I mean - c'mon - who the hell would want this car after all that?! WHO?!
"Hey baby? I think I want this..." Harry is rubbing the steering wheel with more passion that the Karate Kid (Wax on! Wax off!) and I can see it in his teary eyes - he's in love - and its name is Charger...