Monday, June 26, 2006

Horror-scopes and more!

1. Yet another stunning observation from the stars: It can be a tough day for you, dear Virgo, if you aren't comfortable handling anger directed at you from another person. If there is any abuse or violence, you'd be wise to get as far away from that person as soon as possible. This does not bode well. I am going to dinner at my friend's house tonight to look at fabrics for her bridesmaid's dresses. And, apparently, it's to end in fisticuffs.

2. The dishwasher that Home Depot also "installed" (more like shoved in and prayed) is now leaking. A large T-shaped wetness can be seen in the downstairs office. Sigh.

3. They've replaced the lights in the bathroom with ones of a very high wattage. I feel a bit like I'm performing for an audience when I go to take a tinkle.

4. I'm grumpy on Saturday due to the fact that Harry is in town and I have other plans: a Bridal Show. I pick my sister up and she instantly starts in on me: "Didyouwearcomfortableshoes?"

"Uh - they'll have chairs for us at our table," I point out.

"Holly," she says in a dissappointed mom voice, "youcan'tsitthewholetime! Youhavetogetupandtalktothebrides!"

I restrain myself from smacking her cute and perky nose into the back of her cute and perky head. I calmly tell her that I've worked retail for years and I know how to work a customer and to please refrain from advising me on such matters as I clearly am not in need of the advice.

Or I told her to "shut all the hell up." One of the two... :)

5. I slipped on my bland diet and took a horse-pill equivilant of Ibuprofin, washed it down with a couple of dark chocolate kisses. I'm still alive - so I'm counting that as a good sign that the alien is alive and well in my tummy.

6. If I have to drink another bottle of water - I'm gonna float away on a sea of my own pee. Which is quite a gross image - so you may want to pause and ponder that for a while...

7. My grandmother doesn't like anything. She'll eat an entire salad at Bob Evan's and when asked how it was she'll respond "T'aint no good..." She'll fix a peanut butter sandwich, eat it all, every last crumb and then mutter,"T'aint no good - soured!"

It's just been brought to my attention that I'm more like my granny than I care to admit. When asked about my hair after a recent trip to the salon I said: "It's not right. Too blonde." or "It's no good, liked it better before." It's true - I'm never happy with my hair cut/style/color!

8. And speaking of my hair - I look AWFUL today! The rain has made it fuzzy. And not "so cute and fluffy!" fuzzy - nope - I'm talking "Night of the Living Dead" I've slept on it for three years - fuzzy!

One side has three big waves in it while the right side of my head seems to be revolting, in strands, by standing straight up and out.
I'd give anything for a bucket of pomade right now...

9. You can tell a lot from people just by watching them in the grocery store. The "Singletons" will have a small arm basket and will be carefully selecting imported cheese or other such exciting dairy products. The Newlyweds will both be pushing the buggy and will be loaded down with soda, toilet paper and boxed dinners as these are the staples of a new marriage. The Soccer Mom will be efficiently zipping up and down the aisles, cart arranged for maximum storage and will be clutching at least three of the following: coupons, divided list, cell phone, baby. The Elderly will have a cart filled with "Manager's Specials" and wilted lettuce and will take their time perusing the aisles looking for other "special values." The College Student will have Ramen Noodles and tuna along with beer and deoderant - the important things in life. The Newly Single Man will have meat, lots of it, and beer. The Newly Single Female will have veggies, lots of 'em and Diet Coke.

10. I lost the button to my shirt this morning while ironing it. Since I had just finished ironing it I had a tough choice to make: Do I wear it buttonless or do I just start starching a new shirt? All I can say is thank God for safety pins!!!


tenyearnap said...

Dear Holly-May,

Been a-readin' yore jurnel. T'aint no good. T'aint NO GOOOOD--soured!


princesssaurora said...

I hope that your stomach settles down... taking any aspirin or ibuprover or alleve, is a bad move.  You should go to a gastroenterologist... especially if you plan on having kids someday... If it is your gallbladder, better out before preggers...

be well,