As I'm driving to work this morning - I see the most unusual thing. A woman with bright red toenails is driving her minivan with her foot hanging out the window. Not only was it too cold to drive with one's bare piggies waving in the breeze - it pretty much guarantees that someone in another car is going to get mesmerized by the stupidity of this woman. And, while under the piggies' spell the other driver will rear-end idiotic foot fetish woman. Thus teaching the woman with the breeze-lovin' feet a lesson by having to painfully remove a steering wheel from her nether regions.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand - I slept like a rock last night. If rocks only sleep in thirty minutes intervals, that is. So needless to say this morning when I tumbled into the bathroom and began my morning ritual of face scrubbing - I wasn't paying much attention to my actions. And when I flung the glasses from my face in a fit of four-eyed fervor - I hear a "clunk" and then squinted at my glasses. Somehow I had managed to knock the lens into a knob and remove a chunk of glass from the left lens.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!" I screamed at the ceiling, the burnt-out bulbs and the dirty carpeted floor.
"Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?" Phoebe responded, ignoring my plight and circling her nearly empty food bowl.
Dejected I plopped in the floor and wrestled my contacts into my eyeballs while Phoebe made out with my hairbrush.
Luckily for me - my warranty on my glasses was good for one year. Unluckily for me - it ran out on the fifteenth.
Sensing my distress and slight Hulk-green tinge, the saleslady took my frames and went to call her "lens guy" who not only offered to overlook the year warranty and get me a new one - no charge.
After work, I plan on making the day better by going to Borders Bookstore - but I hate to go without a coupon. Something about NOT getting 10% or 20% off just really bugs me. It's like going to Payless when they're NOT having BOGO - 'tis just WRONG. So -if anyone out there has a spare coupon and wants to send it to me - feel free: email@example.com.
I promise I'm good for it. I'll even mow your lawn.
If you show me how to work a lawn mower...