Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Are my Eyebrows on Fire?

I'm so mad right now that I'm sure there is a wee chance that my eyebrows may burst into flames.   Which is sad because I have quite lovely (if not slightly lopsided) eyebrows. 

Last night - it happened.

I was watching "Heroes" with my sister and grandmother (whom I was mostly ignoring due to her condemning me to hell for "devil worshipping" aka "Harry Potter") when I decided to go check on my tiny load of laundry.  I pop up from my recliner (not easy to do since it refuses to unrecline unless I flop my legs down like a crazed gymnast) and saunter back to the laundry hole and - it's f'd up AGAIN!

The stupid piece of electronic crap-pile is flashing at me "Ob" "Ob" "Ob". 

I cautiously lift the lid, careful to pull my head away should the gremlin pop out and want something to suck on, and peer into the murky depths.  It was filled half way with sudsy water, drowning Polo shirts, some underwear and a few t-shirts including my beloved "Barbie dumped Ken."

I stuck my arm in the bin and prayed that I had not accidentally been transported to the twilight zone where Washing Machines transported unsuspecting owners to an alternate universe during the spin cycle.  I grabbed some things and swished them around, thinking I could trick the monster within to stop  flashing me the dreaded "Ob" "Ob" "Ob."

Putting the lid back down I pushed "START" and waited.  The clock dropped to 23 minutes and I could hear the water drain.  And then the clock went to 24. And then to 23.  

I will not share with you the string of curse words that fell from my mouth at this point.  Just know that it was long, profane and a bit twisted.

I decide to call Sears - much to my Husband protests.  

So I talk to Alex - who not only speaks English but it may even be his native tongue!  Pleased, we laugh and joke about the teeny "8 to 5" window I'm given and then he surprises me by saying they have an opening tommorow (today). 

Well, blow me down.  THAT will never happen again!

There's a reason for that.

As I'm perched by the door this morning at  9 AM I get a call from Sears:

"Are you the one waiting for a repairman?" he says.

"Yes, yes I am!"  I'm happy.  Surely they're cruising down my lane as we speak, decked out in their little white outfits and blue and white van. 

"I was calling to let you know that we don't have anyone in your area today, but do have appointments for Friday or Monday," he said.

I'm stunned.  "B-b-but, the guy on the phone, Alex! Alex said that you had an appointment today!" I stammered.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," he said unapologetically.

"So... there's no one in the area and I took the day off of work for nothing?" 

"Oh, you shouldn't have done that!   We will call you on - Friday? Okay - Friday and then you can just meet us at your house.  That way - you don't have to take off work," he said. 

If there was a way to make someone's head explode just by sheer will - vengence would have been mine at that point.

"Okay."  He had me by the proverbial balls - I had no leverage.  What was I supposed to do?  Threaten to NOT use my broken washer in protest?  Boycott Kmart?  Worse yet, boycott Sears?  No - I would never be allowed to do that.  Harry and Craftsman are like Romeo and Juliet - in love - but doomed to do harm to each other...


In the meantime - anyone got any rope I can borrow?

For what? Umm... For a clothesline.  Yes... a clothesline....



tenyearnap said...

Your washer is getting excited over those man panties.
Oh Baby...Oh Baby...Oh Baby...
Or it is about to give birth to an apartment size washer and needs you to get it to the maternity ward right away.

dpoem said...

Help us, O.B. Wan...  You're our only hope.


princesssaurora said...

OB OB OB ... you are priceless...... I love you and your journal!

be well,

cacklinrosie101 said...

ROFL...wonderful Sears....I waited from June 4th until August 1st for them to find a compressor to fit my AC that was still under warranty.  I also took a day off of work when I got the first phone call that they weren't coming.  I "only" had to wait 6 weeks.  Pass me the rope.  Chris

motoxmom72 said...

OMG!!!  Not laughing at you.....honestly.  I hope now that it's been over a week later that you can laugh now.....
I have a dryer that the timer broke on.  If I put it on High Heat to dry my clothes I have to set a timer else where in the house to go down to check on the clothes.  If I want a new timer- I'd be better off getting a new dryer the repair guy told me.  Gee thanks.....hey repair man.....you got a few hundred bucks you can give me for a *NEW* dryer???  I'll just keep using the crazy method I am until the darn things breaks completely, thank you!  I found you through CarnivAOL.

rebuketheworld said...

Oh my,,,dont we all know this...loved how you put this together...very witty...I didnt have a dryer in Hawaii...and stiff clothes were daily,,,then when I moved back to Portland we got a mini washer/dryer and got to live in humdity for two years...single now...having to wash/dry from basements, landry mats, washer/dryers broken down,,,its a wonder I'm ever in clean clothes,,,lol


radar446 said...

I love that you have such a great sense of humor about you in the face of all this.  I know it can be a pain in the butt dealing with issues like that.


lurkynat said...

lol Barbir dumped Ken shirt!

sazzylilsmartazz said...

I had to laugh all the way through reading this! You made a disgusting situation turn into a comedy! Bravo!!! Enjoyed!
Found you via CarnivAOL.

jeanno43 said...

A very funny entry, found you through CarnivAOL.  Thanks for a good read.


mrsm711 said...

And now I know things like this not only happen to me.  :)