Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Twenty-one bottles of beer on the wall! Twenty-one bottles of beeeeeeer!

Dan's got me thinkin' about my 21st birthday.  I can remember it like it was yesterday - which it soooo wasn't!

I had gone to the local grocery store at midnight, waited a few minutes and then filled my buggy full of liquors, vodkas, beer and wine coolers.

I heaved and hemmed my way up to the registers where a lone cashier stood looking bored and irritated at the same time in his standard-issued blue smock.

He sighed and began slowly ringing up my alcoholic purchases. 

I smiled and waited for him to say those magic words:  "Can I see your I.D.?"

He looked at me and put a hand through his greasy, spikey hair and said:  "That's be [a crap load of money]"

I was confused.  I had waited 21 years for this moment.  This single instant that would cement me into my role as a full-fledged adult and - this was it?! 

This was more of a let-down than when I lost my virginity.

And at least THAT took 2.2 minutes.

"Don't you want to see my I.D.?" I prompted.

"What?  Oh, sure.  Whatever."  He barely looked at the card.

Later that night while the party raged on I was pretending to drink a Zima with Grenadine ( I figured out - a bit too late - that I don't care much for alcoholic beverages) I pondered how my life would now change - I was 21 - no longer branded a teenager or "underage" for such adult things as drinking and - more drinking. 

Just then a gorgeous man appeared in the doorway.  He was raven-haired and had dimples that rivaled that of any screen legend.  He was tall and muscular.  Was this my birthday present?, I wondered to myself.

I opened my mouth to speak to him and swiftly and deftly dropped my Zima.  I spattered myself, my chair, my carpet and the jeans of the cute boy.

My face was as pink as my shirt as I contemplated, just for second, mopping the spilled drink from his nether-regions with my napkin. 

"Luckily" his girlfriend was there to stop me.

And that, dear readers, is how I spent my 21st birthday. My foray into adulthood ended - with me on my knees, covered in pink like a Gwar concert reject and fully sober. 




dpoem said...

hahaha....  now all we have to look forward to is the milestone age of 65, dear.  Then we can get senior discounts and smack kids around with our canes.  Woohoo!


princesssaurora said...

Oh man.... yes, the let down really sucks... lol  Thanks for the morning chuckle!!

be well,

nonojean3 said...

On my 21st b'day, I became very acquainted with a bottle of Southern Comfort.  I chugged directly from the bottle and carried it around in the waistband of my jeans.  Classy!!

P.S. I never had the spins so bad in my life.

mlrhjeh said...

I can still remember my 21st!
Enjoy this time for it will pass quickly!

Great journal!

Mary Louise

tenyearnap said...

I got a speeding ticket on my 21st birthday. 85 MPH through Blackberry, MN. A cop was driving by in the other direction so I pulled over to wait for him to turn his car around and nail me. THAT sure surprised him. "Um, are you waiting for me, miss?" "Well, of course. I was flying, right?" So surprised that he put down that I was only going 75 so I wouldn't have to pay as much. What a nice guy.

daydreamn4ever said...

LOL thats a funny story! I discovered alcohol before my 21 st bday, which I looked forward too b/c like you said that meant that I was no longer a teenager & for me it meant that I could drink legally lol =) But by the time my 21st came around it was no longer a big deal & I did'nt do anything...that's how I spent my 21 bday!! Blah.