It's Written in the Stars - in Permanent Ink.

My horoscope is the same today as it was yesterday. Not similar - no - the same.

So - my fortune and future are both so bleak that the only answer is to not even try to make them sound more interesting?

The worse part is - it's not even a good one. It's another one that borders on condescending and ends with - basically - "although you are sucky, dear Virgo, you could be - suckier."

Your thoughts may be a bit scattered and frantic during the earlier part of the day, dear Virgo, but things are likely to settle down for you as the evening sets in (What - when I fall asleep at midnight???) . Your emotions will be more stable (I'm otherwise completely insane), and you will be much more disciplined when it comes to tasks that need to be completed (like making dinner? Yup. I'm ordering a pizza. And I'll be very certain about my toppings.). Make a plan for next week, and be practical about what it is that you can accomplish (Got it. Sit on couch. Mope. Sit on couch some more. Move to new section of couch. Mope. Eat more pizza.). Don't set yourself up for failure by biting off more than you can chew (Cancelling onions on pizza right now...).