I called my grandmother last night to inquire about her health. Last week my sister rushed her to the Emergency Room because she felt like she was "dying." Turns out that she was taking her blood pressure meds - WITHOUT EATING. Why do they do that? What is it about the older generation that insists on feeding the general public to the point of stuffage but will then refuse to consume so much as a sandwich? WHY?
Here's our conversation, give or take some eye-rolls:
Me: "Hey, nanners! How ya doin'?"
Her: (PAUSE) "Fine."
Me: "When do you hear back from your doctors about those tests you had done?"
Her: (PAUSE) "Tomorrow." (PAUSE) (I sense more is coming, so I wait) "They took four different MRI's." (PAUSE) "'At's not good."
Me: "I'm sure they just wanted to be thorough. They took tons of my abdomen and they still don't know what's wrong with me!"
And she's off: Her: "Now you don't let'em take out your gallbladder. 'at's not what it is. You just need to eat better. No more junk. Now, if they tell you to diet - you diet - you just need to diet."
Me: "Oooooooookay, nanners. Will do. Ooooooooooookay."
My grandmother just called me a junk-eatin' fat ass.
I'm good with that.
And if that wasn't bad enough, Harry's wonderful, sweet and teeny grandmother has reverted back to calling me Kelly - which is Harry's stepmother's name. So our conversations go like this:
Her: "So Kelly -"
Her: "Oh, yes, I'm sorry. So sorry!"
Me: "That's okay."
Her: "So Kelly - "
Harry: "This is Holly, Meme. NOT Kelly. HOLLY."
Me: "It's okay."
Her: "So- Kelly..."