Ways to tell if your couture handbag is an imposter:
1. You bought it out of the back of a car. ANYTHING that you buy out of the back of a car is FAKE - end of story. Unless it's a kitten - and then- well - I think you're safe.
2. You bought it at a local boutique - for $39.95. It's fake. It may look real. It may feel real. But, like cilicone and saline - it's not real.
3. The woman selling it to you tells you that it was a "defect" item and that Mr. Vouitton sold it to her. No, he didn't and no, he wouldn't. Look around. Are you standing in the middle of a flea market? Are there giant "bloomers" hanging from a 2 x4 on your left? Then it's NOT a real LV. Sorry.
4. No matter how many rhinestones and "genuine crystal" are adorning a pair of over-sized sunglasses - it still doesn't make them attractive or worth the extra $20 you will pay for the double C's next to your temple.
5. Finally, if the person selling you the designer item in question is missing any of the following: teeth, eye, limb, finger - then you are not purchasing an authentic Kate Spade. You are purchasing insurance. For Benny to buy hisself some new toofers.
Here endeth the rant.
Questions? Wanna know if the handbag clutched under your sweaty lil' armpit is real or fake? Email me - I answer all: firstname.lastname@example.org.