Friday, May 26, 2006

Hidescan - and go seek - a bucket.

Well, the exorcism was a success! Kinda...

I went in to the hospital to have a scan done of my galbladder - I was going to go it alone but my sister accosted me Wednesday night: "Youcan'tgoaloneI'llgowithyouwhattimeareyougoingtopickmeup?" I stared at her - mentally separated her words in my mind and then insisted that I'd be fine alone. "NopeI'mcomingwithyouwhattimeareyoupickingmeup?"

I gave in.

So I leave my house at the crack ass of dawn, blasting my new Dixie Chicks cd to try to take the place of a nice caffeine-laden soda ("no food or drink after midnight" - less your stomach turn into a pumpkin during the scan) and picked her up at 6:50 AM.

At the hospital, we sit for a good forty-five minutes while I wait for them to call me back. I insist, again, that my sister need not accompany me back to the scanning room and I march bravely through the automatic door and into the darkened office.

"Okay, sit here and we'll start your injection." A very nice nurse smiled at me.

"Injection? You have to inject me?" I wasn't following. Okay, so I was following - and stalling.

"Well, honey, how else are we gonna get it in you?" she smiled as if I was so incredibly stupid.

Fine by me. As long as no needles were near me - I's good as can be!

Suddenly, and with very little warning, I regress into a four year old: "Can I please, please, please, go get my sister out of the waiting area? She's good at keeping me calm during those few times I get stuck with needles."

Another nurse appeared. "Sure, honey, go get her."

"You have nice linoleum in here, " I said,"just wanted to make sure before I end up on it later." I then ran down the hall and popped my head out the door. Summer saw me, laughed and gathered up her things.

"Iknewyou'dbeback." she said.

They laid me down on a weird table and then went vein hunting. I'm a chubby girl but my veins are quite slender and delicate. Yeah - that's fair.

I teared up when the I.V. was put in - but I didn't pass out. Even when the blood started spurting. I didn't look. I had no arm. I refused to look. NO. ARM.

"Okay, this will take an hour and half, we'll come in to check on you. Try not to move." A nurse said to me and then brought in a better chair for sis to sit in. "Then we'll give you the second injection and a half hour later - you'll be all done."

I was petrified, sore, but relatively okay until we came to the second half of this horrible game they were playing with my insides.

"You may feel a little sick - but don't worry - no one actually throws up." Famous last words.

As they were finishing up injecting the mediciney stuff into my I.V. I gagged twice and then - puked neon yellow crap all over me, my shirt, my three nurses, the floor and maybe my poor sister.

They moved the large camera/scanner thing from over top of me just before my recreation of Linda Blair's famous "pea soup" scene and pulled me to a sitting position.

"Everyone all right? Everyone okay?" I asked in a stupor. "Please tell people, next time, that when they're coming to have this done - NOT to eat Mexican for dinner. NOPE. DON'T eat Mexican food!" I have no clue why I was ranting. I blame the fact that I hadn't vomited in six years and now I could easily replace the machine that slimes people at the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards.

A half hour later they let me go.

The alien was still in my tummy.

My sister was still by my side. "Doyouknowthatwhenyou'reabouttogetsickyougoalltranslucent? Yourfrecklesevendisappearandyoureyesturnasgreenasastoplight!"

See why I keep her around?


1 comment:

mawmellow said...

Gawd I love the reality of your journal !!!