Things that are happening RIGHT NOW:
1. My toes are becoming more and more frozen, as each minute passes, my piggies become less like body parts and more like ice cubes for festive, yet scary, drinks.
2. A man wearing a black parka, baseball hat, jeans and carrying a large tote bag just walked into the music store across the street. He's either robbing it or is cold-blooded. It's 75 degrees outside.
3. One of my boss' is in the large conference room bouncing suggestively in a large, wingbacked chair. He doesn't seem to notice that his nervous tic is gross and offends me. Am thinking of enlightening him by launching club crackers at the windows.
4. My eyemakeup ( all ten pounds of it) is oozing down my face. Tammy Faye - eat your heart out.
5. My large sprite from McDonald's is sweating on to my S.B.A. coaster. Sprite and crackers is my lunch due to a bad incident with Olive Garden last night has left me spinning. I really think that crackers and sprite could probably cure any disease - if applied correctly.
6. I'll bet that someone on Days of Our Lives is either dying or falling into a coma as I write this. I hope it's Hope. She of the horse face and lips made of small sea creatures.
7. My tummy just gurgled. I think it just ate the alien that was living in my rib cage. Oh, goody.
8. My hubby just sent me an email that said:
Could you please refrain from using the F word in you blog, I really can’t go and read it here at work if you do and I do really enjoy reading them. They make my days go by quicker. Thank you
A concerned loyal follower
9. Even though it's tempting to do the opposite - I will keep my F-bombs to a minimum. Only using them when absolutely f'n necessary... hahahahahaha!
10. The bouncing boss just offered to have my co-workers poem to her mother printed in color and professionally - on his own dime. He's either doing it for the face value of being a "cool boss" or he's doing it because he really liked the prose. Either way - it's a nice gesture - and I will not call him a "cockroach with hair" ever again. Or - at least not for the rest of today.
11. There is a man in the office using one of those bluetooth earpieces. Although I understand their usefulness when driving - sticking a large Borg-ish type electronic device in one's ear and walking around town does not make you "technologically advanced" it makes you psychizoid.
12. All my desk calendars are on May 2nd. All five of them.
13. A secretary just paged an attorney to her line and they buzzed me instead. This happens. Every. Single. Time. My extension is : 0. Everyone else's: not freakin' zero!
14. I still think the plant behind my desk will eventually eat me.
15. I have to go change one of my entries so that my hubby can read it - apparently the "F-bomb" will crash his computer... so tempting... so tempting...