Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Weekend Warriors. Xena had it easy...

My weekend was spent chasing a two-year old, baby-sitting a 29 year old and entertaining a 26 year old. Now, they're in an overpriced, over-loaded, over-the-top (electronically-wise) SUV careening down the WV Turnpike. This gives me a chance for quiet reflection on my weekend:

1. My niece is learning to toilet train. But the concept is slightly lost on her. We even bought her a video to help things along. At this point, she still likes her little blue and pink potty - but only to eat fruit loops out of.

2. My sister's lack of concept of time is only surpassed by my grandmother's lack of concept of time - and - really - anything else.

3. My sis and I watched "Newsies" last night. GREAT movie starring a very young Christian Bale (It's Batman! Batman!) and many other cuties. Now, we loved this movie in the early 90's and upon watching it 16 years later, we were still drooling and canoodling the bums of the young Newsboy dancers. Then we watched the commentary and found out that the two leads were 15 and 16. Felt slightly dirty. Turned it off - but not without watching Batman, oops, I mean Christian, sing "Sante Fe" one last time.

4. Made "love coupons" for my sister's beau. I helped her make up rhymes. Here are some examples: "Take me to a movie, I'll show you one big boobie." "Bring me food from China, and I'll flash you my vagina." and Harry's contribution: "Wanna get a pizza and f*ck?"

5. May have relatives with the nicknames: "Piss Porter", "Fungoli" and "Tater." The last one went by the name of a small spud rather than his actual name : Everett. ???

6. Was told, four different times, "This better not make it on your blog."

7. Gillian rode the trolley at the mall. When Harry put a quarter in it, she scrambled out and up him as fast as her little arms and legs could carry her (without dropping her cookie). She then came over to Summer and me, sat down and said "Oh, shit!"

8. Does anyone else feel a bit harassed when going to a Japanese steakhouse? First to use the chopsticks (something I'm quite sucky at and fear it may cost me an eye one of these days) and second, to catch a piece of shrimp in one's mouth like a less-coordinated seal?

9. Summer and I found the bounty that is the Nerds Gumball machine at Blenko glass in milton. "Oh -if it's red, we'll have to give it to Harry!" Out pops a red gumball and we squeal. "I want a grape one!" Summer pops in a quarter and out pops a purple ball of nerd-filled gum! We do a happy dance "Orange! I want orange!" I clap my hands and wait as Summer cranks the machine and then slowly lifts up the metal mouth. IT'S ORANGE! We run to the car with wild abandon, retell the story and each bite into our Wonka treat.

Mine's empty. There goes all our good luck. No nerds. I sadly show Harry mine. He hops out and runs back into the store. "Hope it's orange," I say to Summer who is happily crunching in the back seat.

Harry walks out a few seconds later and holds up - An ORANGE GUMBALL FILLED WITH NERDS! All was right with the world again.

10. Harry and I were put in charge of Gillian from 11-2 on Saturday while Summer assisted Mommy Dearest with the Prom Fashion Show. I was okay with that part - but the changing the poopy diaper - not so much.

I waited until she was toxic-smelling and then plopped her down, yelled for Harry and started to remove the diaper. It was fine - all was well - Gillian was okay. Then, while Harry watched, she picked up her McDonald's drink and dumped it down the front of her. It soaked her neck and her hair - making her curls crunchy. "Um, Holly, you may want to get that," he said to me while I was holding the dirty diaper and trying to clean the naked butt crack in front of me with my free hand. "Well, Harry! Why didn't you grab it?" I was exasperated as I ran for a towel. "I figured you would," he responded.





But all was well as Harry took over at this point and put on the clean diaper. I tried to wash the Sprite out of her curls and was rewarded when she stuck her sleeve in a plate ofweek-old cake. Yeah.




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