1. Baked a pound cake last night. Realized too late the importance of following directions and the ingredient list to a tee when I dumped out the cake and it crumbled. Realized too late, also, that if you pop a peice of the crumbled cake in mouth - it will still be 350 degrees. Ouch.
2. When making pasta - it's best to check the burners for debris before starting and smoking up the house like a pyromaniac.
3. When hanging curtains with your mother, it's best to knock her into a state of unconsciousness with the rod so as to spare her antics of "Are they straight? Do they need to be poofed some more on the left? Stand right there, no, there, NO! Over there! Now - pull it down- " WHAM - all better.
4. When your hubby is away, do not, for any reason, watch any portion of the film "A Walk to Remember." I cried so loud that Phoebe ran from me and hid in the corner for an hour and a half.
5. Do not tell people that when you get cold, you go sit in the bathroom floor in front of a space heater. They will think you odd. And a big dork. Ah, yes, but a toasty one!
6. When your hubby offers to buy you a "Substitute Hubby" - make sure you get one that's not so powerful it'll rattle the fillings out of your teeth.
7. If it's "Man v. the Big Wheel" - the "Big Wheel" will always win. Harry had to put together Gillian's new big wheel. From the sounds coming from the other end of the phone - he was either constipated, or losing.
8. When someone hands you a three month old baby and says "Don't worry, you can't hurt him." What they're really saying is "Just don't piss him off."
9. Harry called after the Super Bowl had ended. "Let's see how much of a hermit you really are - who won today?"
"The Steelers." I said with mock certainty.
"Damnit! I had a 50/50 chance to get it right." I bellowed into my cell phone.
"You, did, I just wanted you to prove my point. Which you just did. Ha-ha." He gloated.
I had to laugh. I hate sports - and he knows it.
10. Saw "Walk the Line" with two of my friends. We were running late so we grabbed three seats (not together) and settled in. During one of the first scenes (rather emotional) we all remembered to turn off cell phones. I manage to get mine off, so does my co-worker. However, our other movie bud didn't fare so well. Upon trying to silence her phone, it beeped, whistled and lit up like the Rockefeller Christmas Tree. A guy nextto us started shushing like a librarian on crack. I could practically see the spittle illuminated in the air.
I busted out laughing which only infuriated him more. He spent the rest of the night trying to sit on my co-worker's lap. Poor chicks, one gets yelled at for having a life, and the other gets a free lap dance from a man old enough to be her dad's dad! Ew.