Thursday, October 12, 2006

Anthrax, The Navy, and Yours Truly

Summer, my dear sweet, ADD-riddled sister, called me at work yesterday: "Youjustgotacreepyletter.  Ithinkit'sgottheAnthrax."

My response: "Huh?"

"Someonesentyoualetterbutit'sopened.  It'sempty. NowI'mitchy.  It'sgottheAnthrax."

I'm at work and trying to figure out 1) what the hell she's talking about and 2) who would send me a letter at my parent's house with my maiden name on it.

"It came empty?"  I felt like I was playing twenty questions.  And losing.

"YesitcameemptyandI'mitchy.  So - whowantstokillyou?  Creepy!" 

I hung up and stared at the name and address she'd given me : Robert Conn 727 3rd Avenue, Huntington WV    304-523-2105.  I'd gathered that most psycho stalkers generally don't 1) include their return address and phone number and 2) usually employ stalking techniques against much prettier, much skinnier and much less attainable objects of lust than I. 

I decided it must've been hate mail instead.

I go to www.superpages.com which instantly locks up on me. Finally I get www.yellowpages.com to load for me.  The anticipation of finding out where this came from is killing me - so I dial the number provided while I wait for the screen to load. 

It's busy.

Very forboding. 

The name finally pops up:  NAVY RECRUITING STATION.

I laugh and giggle and then call sis back and tell her the good news.

"So - thenavysentyoutheanthrax?"  she asked.  "Thegovernment'stryingtokillyounow?  What'dyoudo?"

And THAT my friends is why flouride should be removed from tap water - and Ritilin added.

:)

 

4 comments:

madysauntie said...

Now that is some hilarious stuff!

After 9-11 we had an elderly customer call us up and was flipping out (voice shaking, screaming, and out of breath) saying someone left an antrhrax envelope on his porch with our name on it.

Logically if something was on his door that means we serviced his lawn and left an invoice on his door, as we had done FOR YEARS!!!, but no... someone named Muhammed Achbed drove to a subdivision in Goose Creek, South Carolina and planted anthrax on an elderly white man's door....

Sweet Lord!

gazker said...

Durning the height of the IRA bomings in London, I worked in an up market department store called Dickins and Jones. We found a package next to the entrance to the fabric department. The police were called, then the army bomb squad. Sniffer dogs went mad at the package so they took it out side and did a controled explosion.
Some old biddy had bought a bra and knickers, plus a pair of slippers. She'd put her new slippers in the bag, but has worn her new underwear and put the old ones in the bag (hence the dogs going mad, I presume they mistook the smell for fertilizer, a key component in making bombs apparently)
There was fake fur from the slippers everywhere but we never did find her knickers!

princesssaurora said...

Your sis sounds like a pip!!!

be well,
Dawn

rebuketheworld said...

"THAT my friends is why flouride should be removed from tap water - and Ritilin added."   LMAO

My ex was a practical joker...I have quite a few heartattacks...she knkows you like to solve puzzles..so you would put out that energy..I on the other hand would just assume someone is on Ritilin..hehe...send to the wrong address....-Raven