I had to be at work at 8AM this morning for a staff meeting. I somehow managed to pick "the seat of death" also known as the one next to the Managing Partner. This "hot seat" is bad for two reasons. One, I have to try to eat a very messy, slightly cold biscuit while not spilling any crumbs down my low cut sweater and thus having to spend most of the meeting trying to subtly dislodge the bits from between my boobs. Two, I don't feel as free to lodge my complaints when the "Supreme Lawyerman" is sitting within head-smackin' distance.
So, while he discusses things like smoke breaks (don't need 'em) and overtime (don't care enough to stay long enough past 5 to earn it) and busy end of the year stuff (YAWN!) I doodle on my sheet of paper. While I'm half-way through drawing a cute, bobble-headed kitty with large black eyes, the tiniest secretary pipes up.
"What about Christmas?" she asks, sounding very much like Wendy Lou Whoo.
The "Supreme Lawyerman" jokingly references the Grinch and we all laugh good-naturedly and like our jobs depended on it - because - well - it does.
"Anything else?" he says while not answering Wendy Lou Secretary's question. She looked puzzled - or hungry - it was hard to tell sometimes.
"So...." I said without thinking, "we've successfully avoided the Christmas discussion, then?"
Poison daggers are shot at me from the watery eyes of the ancient office manager and from the bug-eyes of Lawyerman - who switches quickly from Mr. Hyde back to the jovial Dr. Jeckyl before announcing "Well, that will be decided later..." Good thing since it's MID-NOVEMBER AS IT IS!
And - my last gripe of the morning - why is it that when men think they're being quiet while their wife is sleeping - they're actually making more noise than usual? Last night, in the midst of video game warfare, Harry "snuck" into the bedroom, slammed the door, wrestled loudly to wiggle his Xbox out from under the television and then left the room, slamming the door again and leaving me sitting up, glaring at the back of his "quiet" head.
"Babe, do you even KNOW how loud you were last night?" I asked him this morning while he wiped the drool from his face with the back of his hand.
"Huh?" was his prompt response. In the realm of the "Marrieds" this is a classic response from "Avoidance 101."
"You. Last night. Were soooo loud! Can you not be quiet when I'm sleeping?"
"I wasn't loud! You didn't even wake up!" This was from "Defense 302".
"You came in, slammed the door, rustled around under the tv unit, grabbed the system and then left, slamming the door again while I sat up in bed and glared at you," I pointed out.
"Oh." He smiled sheepishly, "was I really being that loud?"
Marriage 101 also taught me this: I can milk this for days! And it's a weekend! Whoo hoo!
AND THEN: I needed to call a judge's office and tell them that an attorney of mine was running a few minutes late, so I found a number, dialed and listened to the answering machine list off about 30 extensions. Finally I hit one, figuring SOMEONE could just transfer me:
"Judge Chambers, how may I help you?" a friendly woman answered the phone.
"Sorry to bother you but I was trying to reach Judge OddLastName - can you tell me his extension?" I pleaded my case.
There was an enlongated pause as I tried to figure out how I'd managed to piss off a yokel in three point two seconds.
"Ma'am? This is Judge OddLastName's office. It's the Judge's chambers," she summed up my mental defection with her cunning sarcasm.
It was my turn to pause.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. I get it!" The lightbulb appeared above my head with an inaudible ding!
So - if there was a Judge Chambers - would his office be Judge Chambers' chambers?