Thursday, November 16, 2006

(S)mothers.

                                           

Moms can be great.

Mine is no exception.

Through financial woes and times of frightening "we may lose the house" instances- she always managed to pull through.  And even now, with rheumatism racking her fragile body, she's still willing to come to my house and help me clean in preparation for party guests and to run after my niece in all her three-year-old hyper glory.

But then we have conversations like these where my definition as the family "accident" comes very much into play:

"I don't think I'm going to go back to Grad School next semester.  Just don't think it's for me,"  I said while twirling a lock of frizzy hair in front of my eyes.

"I never thought it was.  I never have thought that English was your strong point, that being a writer was something you were meant to do.  I mean, you're good at it, but it's not your strong point," she said.

I was stunned. 

"Well, then, what do you think I should be doing?" I asked, waiting to hear what she thought the fates had in store for me. 

"I don't know - but certainly not writing..."   she trailed off.

Frankly speaking, I'm not worth much.  I'm not the life of the party, I don't have culinary skills that would wow Rachel Ray and her cheatin' hubby, I do not possess the mindset to be able to become a chess prodigy, nor do I see myself discovering the cure for cancer or baldness. 

But I'm funny.

And I can write things that, on the occasion, people find amusing.

So how is this not my strong point?

How is something that I love to do - not what I'm "meant" to do?

And why, at 28 years young, do I still care what my mother thinks of me and my occupational destiny? 

Now, sitting at my crappy desk, facing the crappy elevator shaft and wallowing in crappy self-pity I realize that I've done all of this to myself.  I've convinced others that my self-worth is that only slightly above a wheat penny and that I'm of no consequence. 

Would Freud blame this on my mother?  Maybe.

Would he be right?  Maybe.

Well, huh. Perhaps THIS is the perfect example of why I'm so hesitant to spawn...

12 comments:

gazker said...

Mothers have this way, this way of making a 28 yr old woman or a 48 yr old man feel like crap at the flcik of their tongue!
Turst me, an old Queen, lolol, you can write, and you ARE FUNNY..........BIG TIME!!!!!

Luv yas Holly, Gaz

gazker said...

I meant trust me, not turst me lololol, what ever, just do it ok?

tenyearnap said...

Maybe she is using that "reverse psychology" stuff that never worked on me. Like when some guy rides up the driveway and my mom would say, "Gee that is a real pretty Harley your new boyfriend (gag) has there. He seems like a really sweet (choke) boy." HAHAHAAAA. No way is he a nice boy, mom. He is twelve years older than me and will probably be back in prison before that gas tank is empty...but that IS a pretty Harley. Hahahaaa. Wonder where he stole it?

I'm not even going to TRY that reverse psyc on my kid. I've already started building a cement root cellar to lock him in when he hits those teen years.

Oh and ummm...sorry mom.

dragoneyes1164 said...

My Mom and Dad are sooooo the same way!! I hate it. I am not a veterinarian technician to my parents,  "I play with animals all day" I think is how my Dad put it. Anyway, I think you are a fantabulous writer and I wish that I could write like you. I think if you love what you are doing and are happy then it is what you are meant to do, and forget what everyone else thinks...

argesq said...

I love your mother.  That being said....

1) Writing is definitely your strong point.  I don't care what she says - you make me laugh at loud and look like a total idiot when I do it.  I can list the other writers who can do that on one hand - Helen Fielding, Nick Hornby, the chick that writes the Shopaholic books, whats-her-name that writes "Undead and Unwed" and Oscar Wilde.  Yep, so there is you and five others in the whole wide world.  I love JK Rowling with all my magicial, Harry-lovin', Wood lustin' (the character, not well..you know), little heart.  But even the all powerful Ms. Rowling has never made me laugh as hard as I did over your Bunny story.  

2)  Writing is MOST DEFINITELY your strong point.  See above.  Also, you've been chosen for a multitude of awards and recognitions based on your writing....and you get picked to get up close and personal with the former Sexiest Man Alive based simply on the strength of your writing.  

3)  Seriously, your writing could not be any stronger of your point.  Am I being redundant?  See - you know that because WRITING IS YOUR STRONG POINT!!!

4)  Moms are weird.  When I figure out why they do stuff like this, I'll let you know.  I'll probably be cowering under the covers after the latest round with my mom but I'll let you know.  (You've met my mom.  'nough said.)

5)  You're also the life of the party.  And your artichoke dip could choke Rachel Ray with its yummy goodness (and hopefully will choke her cheating husband).  

6)  Ok, you aren't a chess prodigy and you likely won't cure cancer or baldness.  People who do those thiings are boring and lack personality.  You keep me sane, and can hold a smile in the midst of working in the Land O'Hell....really, that's better for the world in the long run anyway.  At least, it's better for my world.

oddb0dkins said...

It's true, mums can be great. They can also be inspirational and influential. But they can also be wrong. Keep on writing. B. x

mrsm711 said...

I know I can influence my kids.  I have to watch some of the things I say.  I cannot judge other people and think they do not notice.  Your mom created who you are, you just have to shape yourself into what you want to be.  Does that make sense?  In other words, Life Is what WE Make It:)  You decide what and who you want to be.  
http://journals.aol.com/mrsm711/LatteDah/    Tracy

cheshirecat578 said...

English lit classes are different than your style of writing.  I mean did Jane Austin write with such candor about ice cream exploding on her boobs? Uh no.  The best writers compose from the heart, not from the "great" works of dead people.  They write about what they know, and that's what keeps the reader coming back for more.  I doubt you would have read half the stuff you read this semester had it not been required.  You don't want to be a required read do you? You're funny, you're good at it. Keep at it.  Oh, and Freud would say that you are in direct competition with your mother for your father's affection, but then again he was a coke addict!

princesssaurora said...

LOL... ahh yes, the momism comment that just smacks us down.  Love that.  Still happens occasionally at 40 to me.  It does get somewhat better, I am happy to let you know.  And, being a mom will help you deal with your mom and that crap better.  And, you won't do the things to your daughter that bug you so much.  I am doing things differently already!!!

Okay?  So, go spawn.

be well,
Dawn

psychfun said...

You are not alone girl! My mom said something so mean a few years ago. Of course I told her something back to put her in her place but it still hurt sooo much. Then a bit this past year & then all of a sudden they think the same as I do. Ugh! They drive me crazy but then I realize they may not be on the same path or place on the path. I just may be a bit ahead of them sometimes. Then again...they grew up in what era so...

How about if you turn the tables & say, at least for a bit, her self worth is determined by you!!! HMMM! :-)

rebuketheworld said...

I could only think of one thing:

Boy, is your mom in for a surprise...-Raven
Comment from rebuketheworld - 11/17/06 1:26 AM


OOps...I meant to put this comment in this entry..oh well...

madysauntie said...

Don't allow anyone to determine your life and your future! Whatever is your passion is what you were created to do (unless that passion is pedophillia, raping and pillaging, serial killing or even wearing spandex in your 40's... well, you get my point... :-).... I think our parents generation have a lot of regrets & fears and they try to pass them onto us. My mom is the same way. Just this year, at 28 yrs old, I have decided to be free of her and her fears/insecurities. I traveled around the world ***by myself*** and was afraid to face my mom and tell her I got a tattoo in Japan! That's messed up! What kind of strange hold do they have over us?!?  :-) Follow your dreams and during the process she'll see how awesome and talented you are!