Friday, January 27, 2006

The Monktopus did it!

Once again you enter the realm of me and have all of my earthly tidbits to behold - wait - that's weird, right? What I just said - that went werid, right?

Okay - starting over...

Hello dear readers, friends, family and - um - other people. I once again have decided to enlighten you as to the typical morning in the Household of Mine. The alarm goes off at 5:54 a.m. I hit snooze until 6:15 am and then poke Harry, hard, in the shoulder :"Hold me, I don't wanna get up yet." Harry rolls on to his side, faces me and slings an arm in my direction. He then procedes to snore, loudly in my ear until I either must get up or face the very real possibility of going deaf. I roll out and avoid the piles of man shoes, man panties and man shirts that litter the path to the bathroom. While showering I decide that I can either rinse the conditioner from my hair or shave one leg with the hot water that remains. Decide to go au natural for one more day and rinse hair.

Getting out, I yell to Harry to get up.

I dry off, dry hair, fix cereal, fix face, fend Phoebe off, fix hair and then promptly spill cereal all over zillion thread count Tommy Hilfiger sheets.


Strip bed, run downstairs to laundry room wearing a short tee and going visibly commando (sorry to any neighbors who had to witness my jiggly ass at 7:52 this morning) to dump sheets. I then got dressed, matched purse, changed sweaters, and struggled to get obviously-shrunken-in-the-wash jeans over top of aforementioned butt cheeks.

Sat down to watch last five minutes of Buffy, realized that jeans were too tight to bend just yet and resorted to standing at end of bed wearing jeans and bra with one hook missing.

Grabbed purse (now it doesn't match! oh no!), sweater, and jacket and bag full of things to "do" at work (Sodoku book, Novel, two magazines and research for friend on a diamond company).

Got to work. Took off seatbelt. Yelped in pain as seatbelt ate hair. Spent several minutes removing hair clumps from the belt's confines.

Got yelled at soon after for not being able to answer all calls that came in at once. They need to fire me and hire a monkey-weilding octopus.

Or a Monktopus.

1 comment:

tenyearnap said...

"Man Panties"???