Thursday, April 13, 2006

Trapper/Keeper

How to know if you have a "Keeper."

1. If your man is out running errands and brings you home two corn dogs and a cherry limeade during your "stories" - he's a keeper. Bonus: If he hands them to you silently, kisses your head and then retreats.

2. If he offers to rub your sweaty feet after a hard day of work in killer heels. Bonus: If he doesn't grimace when he pulls off your sweaty socks/hose.

3. If he looks at you and says "I bought you somethin' today." And it's something you really wanted. Like two crates of Laffy Taffy.

Okay - i must interrupt this regularly scheduled broadcast of "What's on Holly's Mind" to bring you this: the guy that I "work" with (he's never here - hence the sarcastic use of quotes) just walked in to pick up his check wearing - a ten gallon hat. I swear to God - it was tan and it looked like the Marlboro man had dropped it and this dude picked it up, dusted it off, stuck it on his pinhead, adjusted his oversized belt-buckle and start struttin' like a Rooster in a hen house.

I asked him about his family member - the one that was "fount dead" (his words - not mine). And he said "s'okay." Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Mosey along, then, little partner, mosey along...

We now return you to your regularly scheduled rant..

4. If your guy still makes you laugh - even if it's over something stupid like a blob of dropped ice cream stuck in the hair of his chinny-chin-chin.

5. If your guy is understanding about the fact that it's now mid-april and the "special outfit" that was bought for Valentine's Day has yet to be worn or, really, unpacked.

6. He is okay with the fact that "alone time" will be dictated by the discression of a separation-anxiety ridden feline and her obsession with sleeping between her owners.

7. If you still love him after you've been tea-bagged, post-shower. Some of you will get this - some of you won't. If you don't - consider yourself lucky. VERY lucky.

8. Cleans out the Garage. 'Nuff said.

9. If he lets you put your cold toes on the back of his warm legs in the middle of the night. And your ice-cold nose in the small of his back. And frigid fingers under each one of his armpits.

10. Finally, you have a keeper if he tells you, shows you and proves by every little action he does - that he loves you - on a daily/hourly/minutely/secondly basis.

Oh - and if he buys you tickets to drool over someone like, say, I dunno - MICHAEL BUBLE - then - yeah - he's a KEEPER!

          HAVE A GREAT EASTER, YA'ALL!

2 comments:

tenyearnap said...

Is marlboro man one of the lawyers????

h0llyk911 said...

Marlboro Man is not a lawyer - but he likes to think he is.  He's the runner.  And a bad one, at that.