Step on a Crack...

"Hey - I'm almost done with 'Eragon' - who has the next book?  Brian, my sister's boyfriend asked.

"Yeah, but don't get mad at me like some people did when they found out that third book in the trilogy isn't out yet," I looked pointedly at my sister, who looked pointedly at the floor.

"Hey - is he still living in his parent's basement-" Brian started but was interrupted by Harry's booming voice from the kitchen.

"Hey - I haven't read it yet! Don't give it away!"  he complained, a hurt look on his scruffly face as he emerged from the doorway.

I stood and went to him as Summer and Brian dissolved into laughter.  

"Baby, um, really - it's a book about a dragon rider - do you really think that a kid chosen to ride dragon's would live in a musty basement?"  I snuggled his arm and tried not to laugh.  "Like, he'd climb the mothball ridden stairs, hop on his dragon in the driveway and zoom off over the 7-11..."  I flung my arm out in emphasis. 

Mom, Dad, Summer, Brian and I cackled at Harry's expense. 

"I hate you all," he said and we turned to go out the kitchen's backdoor.

As I'm still sniggering, I put one arm into my tweed coat when I notice that Harry is picking up a small black cell phone.

"What are you doing with Summer's phone?" I ask as he sticks out his tongue and snaps a picture.

"I'm getting even," he said.

"Well, then, lemmie take a better picture - we'll put it as her background and since she can't work it - well - it'll be that much funnier!" Giggling like fiends, Harry drops his pants in my parent's yellow-painted kitchen and I aim the phone at his crack.  Laughing hysterically, we wave at the people sitting in the tv room and trip over each other rushing out. 

At the end of the street, Harry stops the car and says "Call her!" so I dial and wait. 

"What did you do to my phone?" My sister screeches. 

"Nothing!"

"What did you do?" she asks again.

"Wait - didn't you notice anything when you opened it?" I asked her, looking at Harry in horror. 

"No, it's still a Care Bear..."

"Wasn't your phone the one that was in on the counter?"

"No, I had mine on me.  That one's mom's."

Oh, my GAWD!  My husband's ass is on my mom's phone!

"Oh CRAP! Go get mom's phone!" I hear Summer walking into the kitchen and then - loud and snorting laughter.  And then - nothing.  Summer has hung up on me.

I turn to Harry and say "Your ass, it's on Mom's phone.  We mooned the wrong phone."

Harry flips open his phone and quickly dials his mother in law. 

"Drema? Hey, it's your favorite son in law - yes.  So - did you see your phone?"  He pauses and then starts laughing so hard that tears are coming to his eyes.  "You've got to hear this!"  Putting it on speaker I can hear my mother wheezing and fighting for breath in between deep guttural laughs. 

"Hey Drema! Think of what'll happen when someone asks to use your phone! They'll have to talk to my ass!"  We hear a whoop and then a beep as she hangs up on us, too.  

I have an interesting life...