Saturday, February 24, 2007

Son of a "Breach"

"Do you want to see 'Music and Lyrics' or 'Breach'?" Harry asked me, trying to make plans for our dinner date with Mike and Meghan. 

"Duh!  Hugh Grant! 'Music and Lyrics'!" I happily replied.

"Can we go see 'Breach' instead? Please?"  Harry begged and, since I'm such a stellar example of wifely wonderfulness, I agreed.

I shouldn't have.

After two hours of dialogue and one stupid and unesessary gun scene, I was thisclose to standing up and attempting "suicide by folding seat." 

"Breach", in case you don't know, is a movie-length feature about treason.  From :Based on the true story, FBI upstart Eric O'Neill enters into a power game with his boss, Robert Hanssen, an agent who was ultimately convicted of selling secrets to the Soviet Union.  So, one immediately thinks of guns, bugs, tracking devices, cool spy sequences, flashbacks and more than likely some intricately planned gun/chase scenes.  Nope.  The script was weak, the casting was bogus and the bump on Ryan Phillipe's head was more than a little distracting as it swelled and retracted with each forced supposed emotion (you'll have to see this movie to understand the "bump" thing - but it's there and it's - weird). 

Throught the movie, I giggled at inappropriate times, I guffawed at the bad writing and I sniggered every single time the lead character referred to Hanssen as "boss"  - a term of non-endearment that ended up sounding so false that he may as well have been calling him "hey, you!"

Finally, at the end of the 120 minutes of pure yawn-inspiring "entertainment" I had eaten my weight in popcorn and drank my bladder full of Cherry Coke when the last words were spoken.

I about wet myself as Hanssen spoke three little words that drove home the worthless and semi-transparent sub-theme of Catholicism and sealed the fate of "Breach" in my mind.

"That," I said as I burst out laughing, causing odd looks from my companions and non-smelly movie goers alike, "was HORRIBLE!  That was an A&E documentary stretched into a two hour film! I really, REALLY should have brought a pillow..."

"I didn't think it was so bad.  I actually liked it," Harry said, looking around to make sure that no one in the theater was going to attempt to beat me up for my rather loudmouth and opinionated comments. 

"No - you didn't.  It was bad.  BAAAAAD,"  I gleefully forced my views on to my friends.

"Okay, fine, maybe it wasn't a great movie - but - you have to admit it was better than 'Epic Movie'!" Harry prodded me as we filed out of the theater. 

"True... true... But that's not saying much!"

I am now wondering if my overenunciated and loudly exclaimed opinion hurt my chances of receiving any type of consumation of marital bliss seeing as how my husband is, at the moment, sitting in the driveway attempting to rip off the dash of his car - for fun - for all I can tell. 

Oh well - I can watch tv - anything to purge "Breach" from my mind.  Ooh - "Bridget Jones Diary" is on!  Nevermind - happy now!


psychfun said...

I saw Music & Lyrics & it is just ok. I would wait until it came out on DVD. Go see "Because I Said So" HYSTERICAL! Everyone was laughing so hard we were crying & we couldn't her the next dialogue. I also so Bridge to Terabithia last night & that was good.

princesssaurora said...

LOL... I hope Harry stopped playing with the car and came in to play with you!  

be well,

gazker said...

What IS this thing you girls have about Hugh Grant???? Oh Holly, you of all people. The only thing he was ever good at was getting his nob sucked in the back of a limo, by that Hooker Divine Brown! Even her name sounded like a drag Queens!!!!!
Not you Holly, please not Hugh Grant?
G ;-)

jmoqueen said...

I thought that when I went to see Traffic ~ the worst film ever!!  At least I know there is another film to avoid lol ;-)