Thursday, December 15, 2005

Plumbing Tips from a Deranged Grape Picker

Last night, before I left to indulge in the genius of Mexican Cheese Dip, I asked my hermitcouch granny if there was anything she needed at the store.

"Well... Are you going?" She looked at me with wide Bambi eyes.

"Yes." Nope, just wanted to tease you! Left water in your bowl and some bread on the counter! BYE!

"Well... Are you sure?" Bambi-crab shifted in her shell.

"Yes." Must resist urge to use sarcasm which is oft' interpreted by the elderly as literal and thus producing confusion not seen since the War of the Worlds broadcast of days gone by.

"Okay, well, I could use some ..." Sixteen items and twenty minutes later, I was running late for dinner but I had made a little invalid happy by promising to pick out a glorious array of grapes for her snacking enjoyment.

Later, after my shopping trip was over and I had regretfully returned her VISA (my precious) we sat down to a snack of low fat vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup. We cackled and commented on the second-to-last episode of Martha's "Apprentice" and after assuring her that it was perfectly fine that she didn't help me fold my unmentionables ( um - no thanks) she nestled into her couch-bed-hermit-shell and I went upstairs to my big empty bed.

It's nice having her there - for what little inconveniences it may cause (which are few and far between) I sleep better knowing she's one floor down should I need her.

The funniest thing happened this morning. Her toilet broke and just kept running. The inside arm thing (why didn't I become a plumber? I'm so darn knowledgeable) kept getting stuck on the inside pipe workings - so I messed with it and just told her to let it run - no biggie. She apologized to me and looked so horror-stricken - like she had accidentally flushed my cat down the loo (which, for reasons left unsaid, I wouldn't be all that mad about) instead of recognizing the fact that the guy who built my house took extreme measures to ensure shoddy workmanship.

I was still laughing when I left for work this morning.

Ohhh - that little grannyhermitcrab! What will she come up with next?!



Brooklyn plumber said...

This is really helpful especially to those who need plumbing 101 at home. Plumbing is something everybody should learn to keep maintain their own lines clean and clogged free.

Chris Pia said...

So i dont know how i ran acros this article, however it is interesting. I am not sure the last time i needed a plumber but im sure others will find this article interesting as well.

plumber said...

I totally agree, prevention is always better than cure. Plumbing is a very important part of housekeeping.

Long island plumber said...

Interesting article. Plumbing is a very important aspect in all phases of housekeeping.