Wednesday, December 28, 2005

A Lump-o-Coal Would've Been Better

My Christmas sucked big balls of mistletoe.


I was tired, cranky and frustrated by the time I left work three hours early on Friday clutching my box of cookies, a cardinal encrusted pitcher and a half-dead poinsettia. The office party food was, for once, great - it was catered, hot and had flavor - it was a frickin' holiday miracle. However, during the gift exchange, the phone rang. I ignored it like a well-trained deaf mute. Everyone did the same except for Larry the Low-down Lawyer - he looked at me, sqinted and said, "Did you already fix the message?" I assured him that the voicemail reflected our holiday hours "So, you're going to let the voicemail get it?" I assured him that the voicemail would be sufficient. "Did you check with everyone to make sure that was okay?" By this point, my cheeks were blood red and my eyes were crossed with the exertion of biting back words of contempt and bile-filled condolences to his lack of a spine. During this titilating telephonic inquiry I had missed the Grinch of Whoo-lawyerville in all his glory playing the Dirty Santa game by snatching a lovely piece of decorative glass from the littlest Whoo-associate. Everyone laughed at the merriment.

The phone rang.

I answered.

I picked up the phone, ripped it out of the wall and whapped every Esquire I could find upside the head with my Meridia Lucent MLX-201.

No, not really.

But, oh, that would've been the best Christmas present ever.

Sigh. I guess I will just have to settle for the unique decorative wood and iron nativity scene from Value City, the Ho Ho Ho plaque, the "screw" bracelet (your guess is as good as mine) and, my favorite, the pink shortie zip up muumuu from Harry's stepmother. She even cut all the tags off so there is no hope for riddance of the muumuu monstrosity. I'm thinking of donating it to the homeless shelter - I'm pretty sure that with some intuitive thinking and a few trees - it would certainly make a rather roomy pup tent.

I did get good presents, too. I got a nifty knitting set, two gloriously complicated puzzles, scarves from my favorite designers, two pair of Manolo Blahniks, some purses (of course) and a pairof diamond and saphirre hoop earrings (thank you, babycakes, love you lots!).

Hope ya'all had wonderful holidays and - since I'm off to the Peach Bowl again this year - Have a Happy New Year!


1 comment:

summersnow1221 said...

As Holly's slightly older sister i feel compelled to "out" my wordy lil sis about her true age.  i love that she claims to have "just passed" the quarter year mark this past september.  in fact as the third decade of my life sprawls before me i simply must point out that Holly is a mere 22 months younger than myself.  you do the math.  ( ok if you hate math as much as I do here:: holly is 27!!!  27!!!!! ). i feel better.
Summer (aka "shoe string fingers")