After emailing my reasoning for vacating my position of receptionist at the law firm of Lawyerman, Lawyerman and Another Bloomin' Lawyerman, I received a response from the most vindictive of the bunch. In not so many words he told me that he would be happy to accept my resignation and to give me a reference should I want to continue as a receptionist for the rest of my worthless life. He then "respectfully disagreed" with my reasoning that pay should reflect the amount of work a person is required to do.
I fumed at the email. I stared at the screen until I was sure that two little red holes would appear in the flat screen monitor. Then, I responded.
"I doubt that I shall take another receptionist position but should that ever occur, I will be sure to use your referece, thank you. And, I reserve the right to respectfully disagree with your disagreement."
Why should I let them get the last word in?
Why shouldn't I be the one to ooze charm and professionalism until the day I leave, stepping foot into the elevator before turning and flipping them the "reserved for special occassions" double bird?
I'm just kidding... mostly....
Other than that incident yesterday, no one has said much except that they figured a "cleaning house" was subtly taking place.
I'd love to find a way to get even, so, I've compiled a list of things I'd love to, but never would:
1. "Forget" to water the plants for the last two weeks I'm here. Watch Lawyermen cry as plants older than their former receptionist shrivel and die.
2. Loosen two wheels on all leather rolly chairs in the office.
3. Buy some shrimp. Put one in every vacant office's desk drawers. Right now - that'd be a LOT!
4. Make fake resumes from applicants seeking the now vacant receptionist's position. Make up names a la Austin Powers: "Ivanna Makalove" and "Bobby Upandown" are good examples. Leave call back numbers for local strip clubs.
5. Remove voicemail message. And instructions on how to fix it. And - every other instruction on how to work things at the front desk. Their world will come crashing down as they fumble with complex messaging systems on the Merlin Lucent Telephonic MLX-20L! ahahahahhaah
Okay- off to check the want ads!