Here's how to buy a new TV:
1. Stop by Large Super Center in order to pick up a low-cost movie or cd on a whim.
2. Leave with a HUGE bill and a receipt showing you've just purchased a Plasma TV, a PS3, two SD cards and a partridge in a pear tree.
3. Go back to Large Super Center and return everything only to drag his wife back on the same day to pick out another tv that is bigger than the last one and spend three hours crediting back and recrediting your account.
4. GO BACK A FOURTH TIME to the Large Super Center with receipts to pick up new extra large tv and plop it in the back of your semi-bro-in-law's truck.
5. Spend five hours setting up the new tv, plugging cables into various receivers, devices, orifices, and what not and generally bore the ever-lovin' crap out of any female within five feet.
6. GO BACK TO THE F'N LARGE SUPER STORE AGAIN to get a price adjustment since the new, larger tv had the audacity to be on sale the next day.
7. Murder husband in his sleep with a set of Gold-plated, platinum-tipped Monster cables that cost more than your first car.
And that, folks, is how to successfully buy a new television set.
(the pre-murdered husband and his new touch-screen remote control, his Otter Box'd Iphone and a Jollipop that almost won).