Nerds, Irony and an Overall Air of Patheticness

After fixing myself a nice dinner of a frozen pizza and a nice tall glass of grape pop (it's not soda if it's grape or orange, we country folk nabbed that as "pop" long before you snooty city soda-drinkers)  I decided to rest my aching limbs (is it going to rain?  I feel a twinge in my knee... Am I 80?) by plopping into bed and watching episodes of Veronica Mars on dvd.
One problem.
I wanted dessert. 
I look helplessly at my cluttered bedside table and contemplated a slurp of my prescription cough medicine due to the fact that anything else would require my abandonment of the bed-nest and walking the five feet into my kitchen.
Quickly deciding against the grape-flavored wonder drug, I rummaged around and found a box of Nerds. 
Unopened.
Grape.
Strawberry.
Perfection.
I quickly start pulling at the top of the carton trying to free the little sugary bits from their over-packaged prison.   I rip off little bits until the flaps are in sight and I start with the strawberry side, tugging slightly on the the side of the box. 
And rip the tab off.  
I look down into the abyss and see little pink rocks ready for my consumption. 
Shrugging I tip the box back and let the little teeth-rotting morsels dance on my tongue. 
I wasn't done. 
I wanted the grape side open, too.
Now a reasonable person would just wait and eat one side before moving on to the uninjured side.
But not me.
I wanted both sides.
I managed to wriggle the grape top tab until it was barely open.  Using my battered nail as leverage I opened the side and grinned.
Hastily I tipped the box to my lips.
Forgetting about the damaged right side.
So there I sat.   A chubby girl in a bed of nerds.  They were nestled in my hair, my crotch, my cleavage.  
It was like high school all over again!  ahahah!
No, really, it was horrific.
And it took nearly two episodes to eat them all off the bed like some overgrown, sweet-tooth driven monkey. 
                          

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