Thursday, October 13, 2005

That's why they're called DIEt's...

I'm on day four of my DIEt.

I think that the food, in all it's fattening,sugary, carby glory was the source for my wit. Yes, my dear friends, I have decided that anyone who wants to have a sharp tongue need only to slap a donut on that baby and watch as the witty comments fly about - willy nilly!

I feel as though, since giving up caffeine and cutting out sweets and fats - that my brain seems to be the only thing losing it's oomph. Nowhere else can any improvement be seen. My belly still jiggles like a bowl full of jelly and my arms still wave "bye-bye" long after my hand has tired. Now, I'm not insane, I know that it takes months, even years, of DIEt and (ugh) exercise to make "bye-bye" arms go bye-bye, but c'mon! If my brain seems lighter, shouldn't my scale be registering the same?

For example, when talking to my friend today at work, he was happily reporting that his grandmother, who has cancer, was going to be getting out of the hospital because her condition improved so vastly.

I said, "Oh - is she in submission? I mean -uh - um..."

He looked at me, cocked an eyebrow and said, "You mean - REmission?"

"Oh, hee, yeah, that."

So you see - my DIEt has targeted my much needed brain cells rather than my much NOT needed fat cells! What gives? I feel myself getting dumberer and dumberer as days go by!

I just hope that I can remember to tie my shoes by the time day 16 rolls around, and for that matter, work the elevator, computer, phone, remember where the keys are on the keyboard (although "m" and "n" have always messed with my mind) and be able to shave my legs in a timely fashion!

Okay, so I lied on that last one, I usually resort to waiting until Harry sceams like a scared little girl 'cause my hairy legs have left him looking for a loose porcupine from 'tween our sheets.

So until next time, I will keep ya'all updated on the backward progress of my incredible shrinking brain and the (hopefully) diminishing stages of my butt.

I just know you are all riveted to your monitor right now.




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