Last Sunday I attended my first concert since the Metallica one of July, two years ago. The results were about the same - I was mildly uncomfortable, sweating like a woman of ill-repute in a house of God and wondering if/when I was going to die and whether or not my imminent demise would be due to a ruptured eardrum, heat exhaustion, or pure undiluted embarressment. Me? No - I wasn't embarressed - I was shuddering for those that graced us with their "dancing skills."
What is it about a concert venue that makes others decide that swaying back and forth, humping the air or pumping invisible iron above their heads in a macho rendition of the current song is a good idea? While Three Doors Down sang their hearts out to "Kryptonite" a guy a few seats below us jumped up and started pantomining the words. I could tell he was attempting to look tough. He was, apparently, someone who had spent hours, alone in the dark, lip synching along with a heart-felt squinch to his face.
About half way through Staind's performance - two girls and a guy (no pizza place) decided to hang over the balcony at the top of the stairs - conveniently blocking the view of my entire section. One woman, about forty, hopped up on the rails and thrust her hips while waving her arms - her beau - or just some guy she happened to be with - helped her stay up on the rails by placing his fingers up her jean-clad ass. He would smack her on the rear a few times, too - just to let her know he cared. The other girl - a dead ringer for a younger Tabitha, the witch from NBC's "Passions" - began doing her impression of a frizzy haired bunny. She hopped this way and that and headbanged all the while. Finally, after an unsuccessful attempt to get the forty year old and the bunny to "JUMP!" - we suffered through their soft-core antics until they were asked to leave by a Staff Member.
I never know quite how to act at these concerts, either. By no means am I ready to join the ranks of the lewd and gyrate until I'm dizzy and confused, nor am I one to don a lighter and sway delicately - so - I chose a differnet route as a concert attendee - I sit - upright in my assigned seat and sing the words I know, smile through the ones I don't and, when the spirit engulfs me, I may just tap my toes.