Tuesday, August 2, 2005

Music of the Night Life

Last Sunday I attended my first concert since the Metallica one of July, two years ago.  The results were about the same - I was mildly uncomfortable, sweating like a woman of ill-repute in a house of God and wondering if/when I was going to die and whether or not my imminent demise would be due to a ruptured eardrum, heat exhaustion, or pure undiluted embarressment.  Me?  No - I wasn't embarressed - I was shuddering for those that graced us with their "dancing skills."

What is it about a concert venue that makes others decide that swaying back and forth, humping the air or pumping invisible iron above their heads in a macho rendition of the current song is a good idea?   While Three Doors Down sang their hearts out to "Kryptonite" a guy a few seats below us jumped up and started pantomining the words.  I could tell he was attempting to look tough.  He was, apparently, someone who had spent hours, alone in the dark, lip synching along with a heart-felt squinch to his face. 

About half way through Staind's performance - two girls and a guy (no pizza place) decided to hang over the balcony at the top of the stairs - conveniently blocking the view of my entire section.  One woman, about forty, hopped up on the rails and thrust her hips while waving her arms - her beau - or just some guy she happened to be with - helped her stay up on the rails by placing his fingers up her jean-clad ass.  He would smack her on the rear a few times, too - just to let her know he cared.   The other girl - a dead ringer for a younger Tabitha, the witch from NBC's "Passions" -  began doing her impression of a frizzy haired bunny.  She hopped this way and that and headbanged all the while.    Finally, after an unsuccessful attempt to get the forty year old and the bunny to "JUMP!" - we suffered through their soft-core antics until they were asked to leave by a Staff Member. 

I never know quite how to act at these concerts, either.  By no means am I ready to join the ranks of the lewd and gyrate until I'm dizzy and confused, nor am I one to don a lighter and sway delicately - so - I chose a differnet route as a concert attendee - I sit - upright in my assigned seat and sing the words I know, smile through the ones I don't and, when the spirit engulfs me, I may just tap my toes. 

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