Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Toys for Boys and Creatures of Green Goo

After twenty minutes of trying to wrangle my 16 month old away from playing with things like the trashcan (ew.) or the dishwasher (dirty.) or the cabinets (I like him having ten fingers, thank you very much). I finally gave him a new Melissa and Doug Wooden toy and plopped him on the cold tile next to me in the kitchen making me question not only my sanity but also makes me wonder if I'm more like "Clara" from the webshow "The Guild" than I care to admit.

But after three days of taking care of a baby who is more snot than substance most of the time - I need a break.
Even if it's just a few minutes to pop online, see what celebrity nipple-slipped today and what's new in the old world of Harry Potter.
And when he gets like this?
This crazy "nothing-you-do-pleases-me-vile-woman-so-watch-as-I-cry-until-I-can't-breathe" baby who should love me for giving him life but instead seems his damnedest to make ME cry until I can't breathe?
I can't deal with it.
I've read books, forums, asked the doctor and even posted things on facebook akin to "HOLY CRAP MY BABY IS UUUUUUUP MY BUUUUUUUTT - SEND HELP!" but nothing works. He has separation anxiety when he feels good - but when he feels bad? Oh holy schnikies look out. He reminds me of any green, dripping "monster" that the Scooby Gang encountered.
And at any moment I expect him to rip off his mask and reveal my sweet, darling boy that I have come to know and love .
So until he's unmasked - I will plop him in the floor, wish I had a maid to clean said floor, and continue to toss puzzles and toys at him until nap time.
Which I am counting down to like a freakin' shuttle launch.
T-minus 35 minutes and counting!!!!


Odds Bodkins. said...

It's reading journals such as yours that reminds me how lucky I am that I don't have kids. So thank you.

That said though, we've recently acquired a dog and I can certainly sympathise with some of your woes - separation anxiety; jealousy; whining...
Who'd have thought the wife could be so childish eh? ;O)

Hope you managed to get a nap.

B. x

Anonymous said...

"More snot than substance"...I like that and can use it to describe a couple of adults that I know.

I hope this gets easier when he learns to talk and then can tell you EXACTLY what he WANTS. I've always been baffled by pre-talkers, never being able to guess what they want :(

Holly said...

I waited until I was past 30 to have kids. Somedays I wish I'd waited longer. Like 60+.