I'm sick now and do I look like a curly-headed, perky, red-nosed and adorably flushed Meg Ryan?
No - I look like a girl who rolled outta bed, tossed on a t-shirt and pulled her UGG boots up to her nipples in attempts to keep warm.
I am pretty sick, yo.
And on DayQuil, yo.
Which makes me say and do stupid things -- like saying "yo" a lot.
So, yeah, all my orifaces are on strike or fire (there's a mental image for ya!) and my throat hurt so bad yesterday that after a sneezing fit seen only on episodes of Looney Toons (post-pepper mill battle), it started making an odd clicking noise which, of course, leads me to think - I broke my larynx. Or something else in there. The hangy down thing? Maybe I sprained a tonsil?
BUT I do know this - I am not a "pretty sick" person. I am awful. Slack, jawed, chapped lips that swell into something disturbing like Angelina Jolie's fat stunt double, and Puffs (with lotion!) stuffed so far up my nose that I may as well start auditioning for whatever Syfy flick is being made for tv. My eyes also swell shut so putting in my required 85 drops a day to keep me from going blind is not unlike trying to squeeze apart something wrapped in heavy-duty clamshell packaging.
So as I sit here in the kitchen, blogging, dripping, coughing, hacking and whining, I can only think to myself - DEAR GOD LET ME DIIIIIIIIIIIE! And the alternative: If Sudafed is semi-contraband due to the fact that one can cook it and make Meth - does that mean Meth is, like, the ultimate Cold Suppressant?