How to Lie - Badly

Actual conversation between my parents- as told to me by my sister, Summer:

Mominator:  "Hey - you were gone a long time last night. Where'd you go?"

Dadfus: "Well, I went to see Steve in the hospital-"

M: "It doesn't take no two hours to go to the hospital and back! Where else did you go?" (Sidenote - mom gets allllll kinds of Redneck when she is mad.  Her roots start sproutin' like a weed in a cornfield)

D:  "I went TO THE HOSPITAL!  I talked to Rocky and Steve and - I WAS AT THE HOSPITAL!"

M: "You were gone for TWO HOURS!"

D: "WHERE would I go? I don't go anywhere! I have no money - I go nowhere!  WHERE WOULD I GO???"  

With that he heaved himself up and went out on the back porch. A few slamming doors and twenty minutes later and Dad walks back into the living room.

Dadfus: "So when I was at Walmart last night-" he slapped his hands over his mouth.  In the timeframe it took him to walk outside, close the doors to his outbuilding and come back in he forgot he was in the middle of a fight.

I wish I'd had been there to see it.   I love my dad - I do - but his attention span and short term memory rival that of the goldfish he sentences to a cold fate in his pond. 

:)