My Boy Jack

The only war movie I may be able to bring myself to see..

Halloweenies.

Well, my Halloween party has come and gone and I couldn't be happier.  There were six of us in attendance and that was plenty for me.   We had two Mary Magdaline's from Christopher Moore's "Lamb" , Beth Cooper the cheerleader and a valedictorian from "I Love you, Beth Cooper" by Larry Doyle a wayward gypsy and me, the girl in the leather coat insisting that she was, in fact, dressed as a lamb.   

It's funny what happens when women get together from all different backgrounds and just gab.   Here's a list of topics that were touched on tonight:  penicillin, yeast infections, c-sections, latest books read, evil ex-husbands, homewreckers, cheese, brie, apricot jelly, cocaine, meth, crazies in general, McDonalds, husbands, and last, but not least - big hot dogs.  

And, for my last parting thought before I head off to dreamland, DUMBLEDORE WAS GAY????!!!  It's not that I care much what the sexual preference of the headmaster was, that has never been my concern, it just seems like such a concrete bombshell to drop AFTER the last book was published.  I mean, c'mon, couldn't she have alluded to this fact at some point in the last book when she was talking about his relationship with the great evil wizard Grendelwald (I may have spelled his name wrong- sorry).  I just don't think it was something that needed to be answered in definite.  We could've speculated on it - or not needed to.  I always thought of Dumbledore to be very much like George Clooney or Ryan Seacrest.  Ya know - asexual?

With that last rambling rant I bid you adeau since I've been off the caffeine for a week now and can't seem to stay awake long enough to do much of anything anymore!  

NIGHT!

Lunch? Never heard of it...

                                    

I came home for lunch today and noticed that my parents were parked in my driveway.

No, pardon me, they were parked IN THE MIDDLE of my driveway.

Heaving a sigh I pulled into the grass, trying not to plummet over the slight incline and then headed through the garage and into the kitchen.

"What'd you bring for lunch?" My dad yelled (he has one volume setting - really frickin' loud).

"Uh, nothing," I said.  Mom emerged from the bathroom and smiled.   "I have some leftover cheese and crackers from my 'Wii and cheese' party last night-"

"Okay, just give me that grape pop in the fridge then," he said settling down at my table and waiting to be served like a king. 

"Uh, okay."

I started gathering up some grapes and various colored cheeses that were sitting in my fridge.  I pulled out the little bit of chicken salad that I had left and plopped it all on the table. 

Mom meandered over with a napkin.

Noticing I had just under thirty minutes to eat and get back to work I started slicing the cheese (yes, you may notice that I didn't say 'cut the cheese' - I know ya'all too well for that one).

Every slice I sliced was gobbled by father figure.  I sat back and waited for him to pick up the chunk of mild cheddar and stuff it into his two-front-teeth missing mouth.   He then proceeded to tell me, again, about the first era of the Bionic people.   With his mouth full.   

<sidenote:  Why is it that when your doorbell rings at 7pm and you rush to answer it and find a cute boy standing on your porch that positively reeks of all that is Patrick Dempsey, oh why, oh why does he turn out to be your best friend's beau??? hee hee!>

"Yes, daddy, I know.  It will be stupid if she gets a dog and they make it bionic, too.  Yes, you are right," I say as mom keeps her head down while she giggles over her brie.  

It's at this point that my father, almost simultaneously, scoops out the last of the chicken salad and eats the majority of the pineapple which he then puts the lid on and pushes it to the side as if to say "that will be all of that."

So I sit, nibble onmy tiny crum of dairy and wait for the clock to tick to 12:45.   Stomach rumbling, I put away the stuttered meal and head to the bathroom in my bedroom.   "This one's off limits until after your book club!  Tell that husband of yours not to even so much as pee in this one!  It was all over the seat!  And the floor!" cried my mother as I gave her a kiss and headed out the door.

That's when it hit me.

A powerful smell so strong that my nose hairs felt singed, my eyes watered and I felt as if I may lose consciousness.  

"MOM!  HOLY CRAP!  DID YOU EVEN DILUTE THE BLEACH?"  I yelled.

"Well, yes, of course!"  She looked affronted. And then grinned.  "After I put it on the floor, I did!"

Bouncing off the walls as the blackness descended on me I could hear dad yelling at me, "Hey - I need some dvds to watch! What can I watch?"

I rushed out the door, pawing at the garage door opener to try to make it to freedom and fresh air. 

And that, my dear friends, is how I spent my lunch.  Being starved.   Spittled on.  And gassed.  

A tale of more horror than most Halloween stories.   No headless horseman could compare to Ma and Pa Adkins and their ability to make even a simple lunch into a blog-worthy event.

 

Oh - and I'm not supposed to tell you this but apparently Harry almost got to see a brawl at work today between a co-worker and another, presidently, gentleman.

"Did you try to break it up?" I asked.

"Hell no!  I was trying to figure out how to get up and run without anyone noticing!" 

Sorry, hon, but that was too funny not to be told. 

 

Evil Husbandless Duo

Cindy and I are often left home alone. Our husbands go off on grand adventures while we are left stewing and doing laudry. 

We'd had enough.

Introducing - the "EVIL HUSBANDLESS DUO!" 

That's me on the left with the killer handbag of, ya know, evil stuff.  And Cindy is on the right with the laptop bag - she being the brains of duo.  We spend our husbandless days doing mean things like rearranging artfully arranged GI Joe battle armour and switching  underwear tags (S-L, L-S) just to cause mayhem!    

 

McD's and Oopsies.

"Who was that?" Harry asked me as he got up to toss the hamburgers and soda scraps into the trash bin.

"Derek. He was friends with Jonathan, the guy I dated in high school..."  I kept an eye on Gillian as she streaked through the inner pipes of the McDonald's playplace.

Harry said something I didn't quite hear so I answered, "Yeah, he was HUGE!"  Now, I'm not sure what possessed me to, number one, admit that my ex-boyfriend was hung like a miniature elephant, and two, to do it in the middle of McDonald's kid-friendly habitat!  I was horrified.  And, admittedly, pretty cracked up at my admission. 

We then took Gillian home where she played V-smile while we played our version of "Stuff on my Cat" - "Stuff on someone else's Kid":

I know. I suck.

I know that I've been a bad blogger as of late.  I haven't updated in FOREVER!  but I apologize and bring you the latest from the land of Holly:  MARRIED PEOPLE CRUSHES.

Married People Crushes (or MPC, for short) are those crushes we develop on the opposite sex after we become betrothed to another.  These crushes are harmless, fun and non-threatening since a Married Person is off the market and the other is just, well, they're just fun to look at.

On Wednesday I attended a job fair at MU as part of my recruiting duties for my new job.  After hopping into the shuttle van the slight boy behind the wheel said "Alright. I'm just going to park for a bit, see if anyone else needs a ride."

Bestill my hornily beating heart - he was British!  A man from England - studying in WV? The Twilight Zone theme pulsed through my brain.

I instantly started drooling and babbling incessantly about everything from Wii games to, God help me, Harry Potter.  By the time I hopped out of the van a mere ten minutes later, I was hankerin' a full-blown MPC on this bespeckled Brit.

"Well, what's your name?" I asked since he expressed interest in that lovely accent of his in a possible internship in the future (or at least I convinced myself that this was the reason I was asking).

"Luke," he said, the vowel enlongating sexily, "as in Skywalker!"  A boy from London AND obsessed with video games and Star Wars.  As my smile stretched to near painful proportions I fell out of the car and made a mental note to apologize to my wonderful hubby for the massive MPC I had developed on a grad student who was driving a van as part of his GA duties.  

But as my co-worker and I climbed the familiar stairs of Marshall University's Student Center my heart dropped as I saw that we were stationed - next to the Marines. 

Hello gorgeous men in uniforms!  

It was a good day.