Yesterday morning I entered my workplace restroom rather quickly ( A breakfast of Pepsi and Nerds really made me have to pee!). As I'm sitting there for what seems like an eternity, contemplating the subtle jail-like stripes painted on the walls, I reach over and tug on the toilet paper.
"Eeee- aaagh!" The roll shoots off the wall, the holder flies under the door and the inner coil retreats to the next stall.
I laugh, cross-legged for a good ten minutes.
I then come out and tell Jeff, my runner/friend that I deserve hazard pay. He looks at me with his usual "You are so freakin' weird" stare and then laughs politely.
Works for me.
Bopping down Fifth Avenue at 5:03 PM I am abhorred to realize I have forgotten my sunglasses, so I flip down the sun visor and am immediately bonked in the head by automobile schrapnel! My tv monitor that was so prettily mounted in the shade had come loose and smacked me very rudely! It dangled in front of me from a veiny-wire and obstructed my view of the large Suburban in my path! I shoved the contraption back in the ugly hole from which it lept, flipped back up the visor and drove home squintily.
Later, Harry decides he wants ice cream, so we go to Baskin and Robbins. I mull over which variety I want to try. Which is a total lie, cuz my loyalty is with Rainbow Sherbert, Prailines and Cream and Chocolate Peanut Butter. Leaning towards a good chocolate fix, I change my mind and point to the Prailine bin, licking my lips heartily.
We hop in the backseat. He turns on his DVD player and I settle back in his car where I promptly drop my ice cream. ALL OVER THE BACK OF HIS BRAND NEW DENALI.
I pick up the fuzzy cone and hold it out towards Harry. He takes it, gets out and comes over to my side. I frantically clean up the carpet while he mops up the door, the wall, the seat and the seat belt ( I never do anything half-way). Without a word, he goes back into the ice cream parlor and comes out with another cone.
Handing it to me, I ask him how much it was - I wanted to pay him back for my clumsiness.
"It was free - she didn't charge me 'cuz kids drop their ice cream all the time."
"Oh." I said. I didn't argue, since I had just literally iced his less-than-a-month old car, I thought it best to sit, eat, enjoy, and use two hands.
Moral of the story: If you think the universe is out to get you - you just may be right...