The Little Leper That Could... Notes from a Halloween Book Club

Here is a picture from my Halloween book club where, as usual, I made too much food and had over 100 chicken nuggets left to divvy up after all was said and done.   

We read a book called "The Island" by - some chick.   It wasn't good. No - really - it was downright HORRIBLE.  Although some pretended to like it just to be nice which we all know -I'm not.   So here's my tortured review that I wrote for 'The VoiceboxX' with our group pic to follow:

   “Leprechauns?  That sounds great!  I love Irish lore!”  I exclaimed repeatedly as the girls of my book club looked on in disbelief.  I thought nothing of it, however, since they often look at me in shock (could be horror, but I like to think it’s just good ol’ fashioned shock). 

      “Holly?  I said ‘leper colony’ not ‘leprechauns’ – leper colony,” Cindy said as she held up the book.   A woman’s face looked down, her red lips slightly pursed on the cover.  The Island by Victoria Hislop tells the tale of the island of Spinalonga and its leper-filled history.

      However, the book would’ve fared better if it had actually been all about tiny green men guarding their lucky charms and pots of gold.  

      The Island was not poorly written; in fact most of theprose is beautiful and thought provoking and very intelligent.  So intelligent, in fact, that the author felt the need to triplicate every sentence, slightly changing the words so that her Webster’s thesaurus was money well spent. 

       In Hislop’s twisty tome a family is torn apart when a mother is sent to Spinalonga after being diagnosed with leprosy.  The reader is introduced to tragedy after tragedy as this debilitating disease wreaks havocs on bodies and family infrastructure alike.   Not to spoil anything for the unsuspecting reader but the book ends basically when leprosy is cured.  

      Although touted by book clubs all over, I found The Island to be depressing, predictable and over-written at times.   The parts that should have been more detailed were glazed over and the instances that should have taken just that, an instance, were detailed with such excruciating precision that I found myself wishing the characters a quick demise.  The characters tended to be one-dimensional and too many were the spitting image of their elders.  Even on small islands I am pretty sure that genetics would take over and not every beauty would bear a beauty who in turn spawned a pretty carbon copy of herself.   I had to double-check to make sure the island was, in fact, called Spinalonga and not Kinko’s.             

      The first character that the reader is introduced to by Hislop is that of Alexis, great grandchild of Eleni, the leper.  Alexis is searching to put together the pieces of her mother’s past. To be such an integral part of the story, Alexis is reduced to a whiny secondary figure who is mainly troubled by her superficial boyfriend woes.   We are not drawn into her life and care as little about her as we do about the rest of the family by the story’s end.  

      The Island by Victoria Hislop is a book about a painful, disfiguring disease that dictates a horrible time for those affected by it. 

      Unfortunately for Hislop, so is her book.   

Harsh?  Maybe  - but the book was really not something I'd wish upon my worst literal enemy!

 

I'm the one in the back, grining like an idiot since my best costume idea was a black lambskin jacket of lamb.   Tiffany, the gypsy, to my left, Summer is Beth Cooper from "I Love You Beth Cooper", followed by Melissa as "Dan" the Valedictorian from "Beth Cooper," Karen as Magdalene from "Lamb" and Krista as Maggie #2 from "Lamb."

We had a great time!  Now, I just need to find time to take down the decorations... Maybe I'll just cover the big spiders in christmas lights!   :)

 

Feline Lovin'

As much as I miss my Phoebe, I still know that I can head over to the 'rents and get some primo kitty lovin' from a 19+ year old Siamese named Silver.

Here are some grainy IPhone pics courtesy of Harry.  The paw to the cheek=pure love and annoyance!

 

 

Funk.

Wow.  Could I BE in any more of a funk as of late? Everything makes me mad, sad, livid or weepy.  And then I'm deliriously happy the next minute followed by a quick loop back to Melancholy Holly.  My only joy right now seems to be food. And sleep.   So I  have two joys.  Now - if only I could figure out how to eat in my sleep and exercise right after that way I won't have acompletely rotund physique...

Halloween came and went with Gillian, my niece, dressing up as Minnie Mouse and looking so cute in her black ears with red bows.   Summer dressed as a slut in a cape with a basket.  Or  little red riding hood.  Either way, it totally worked and should her car have broken down in the middle of Rt. 60 there would've been no reason to call me for a rescue.   

I copped out on the costume route and threw on a lambskin leather coat and went as, you guessed it, a lamb.  Yes, not very creative - or warm, in hindsight, but it worked.  :)

After the last of the ninja turtles, lego blocks, witches, fairies and Playboy bunnies (yes - it was disturbing) had dissapated we all went back in my parents home to watch some tv and look over (and pilfer) Gillian's loot.  Anytime we saw something that looked good we'd say "Ohhh -Gilly, this has nuts, I better eat it for you!"  Yes it was like taking candy from a baby and yes it was still fun.   A few mintues had passed before Summer sprang up to make her boyfriend/beau/finace a hot chocolate.   She drifted into the kitchen and a few second had passed when we heard a BANG!

And then: "OHMYGAWD, IDROPPEDTHEMILK! IDROPPEDTHEMILK!SOMEONEHELPMEIDROPPEDTHEMILK!!!"

We all stared at each and sat perfectly still as Summer's calls for help became more high-pitched.   Brian finally meandered in and got a mop.  As he dutifully began scrubbing the floor my dad walked in. 
"What's going on?  Why is the milk in the fl-"  he said and scooped up the half full gallon of milk which immediately whooshed on to the floor in a cascade of white.  

He hurried quickly out of the kitchen with Summer hot on his heels.  I could hear my sister's beau grumbling from behind the mop as the Adkins family was reunited in peals of laughter and giggles.  

It was a good night.  

 (pre-Minnie Gilly)

She's getting so big.  She'll be five this July.  FIVE! That's like - a little girl's age!  

That's all for now! Harry just got back with my Orange Soda that I was craving and a little Snickers just for me.  I'm happy now and un-funky.  But check back in five minutes. 

:)

My Boy Jack

The only war movie I may be able to bring myself to see..

Halloweenies.

Well, my Halloween party has come and gone and I couldn't be happier.  There were six of us in attendance and that was plenty for me.   We had two Mary Magdaline's from Christopher Moore's "Lamb" , Beth Cooper the cheerleader and a valedictorian from "I Love you, Beth Cooper" by Larry Doyle a wayward gypsy and me, the girl in the leather coat insisting that she was, in fact, dressed as a lamb.   

It's funny what happens when women get together from all different backgrounds and just gab.   Here's a list of topics that were touched on tonight:  penicillin, yeast infections, c-sections, latest books read, evil ex-husbands, homewreckers, cheese, brie, apricot jelly, cocaine, meth, crazies in general, McDonalds, husbands, and last, but not least - big hot dogs.  

And, for my last parting thought before I head off to dreamland, DUMBLEDORE WAS GAY????!!!  It's not that I care much what the sexual preference of the headmaster was, that has never been my concern, it just seems like such a concrete bombshell to drop AFTER the last book was published.  I mean, c'mon, couldn't she have alluded to this fact at some point in the last book when she was talking about his relationship with the great evil wizard Grendelwald (I may have spelled his name wrong- sorry).  I just don't think it was something that needed to be answered in definite.  We could've speculated on it - or not needed to.  I always thought of Dumbledore to be very much like George Clooney or Ryan Seacrest.  Ya know - asexual?

With that last rambling rant I bid you adeau since I've been off the caffeine for a week now and can't seem to stay awake long enough to do much of anything anymore!  

NIGHT!

Lunch? Never heard of it...

                                    

I came home for lunch today and noticed that my parents were parked in my driveway.

No, pardon me, they were parked IN THE MIDDLE of my driveway.

Heaving a sigh I pulled into the grass, trying not to plummet over the slight incline and then headed through the garage and into the kitchen.

"What'd you bring for lunch?" My dad yelled (he has one volume setting - really frickin' loud).

"Uh, nothing," I said.  Mom emerged from the bathroom and smiled.   "I have some leftover cheese and crackers from my 'Wii and cheese' party last night-"

"Okay, just give me that grape pop in the fridge then," he said settling down at my table and waiting to be served like a king. 

"Uh, okay."

I started gathering up some grapes and various colored cheeses that were sitting in my fridge.  I pulled out the little bit of chicken salad that I had left and plopped it all on the table. 

Mom meandered over with a napkin.

Noticing I had just under thirty minutes to eat and get back to work I started slicing the cheese (yes, you may notice that I didn't say 'cut the cheese' - I know ya'all too well for that one).

Every slice I sliced was gobbled by father figure.  I sat back and waited for him to pick up the chunk of mild cheddar and stuff it into his two-front-teeth missing mouth.   He then proceeded to tell me, again, about the first era of the Bionic people.   With his mouth full.   

<sidenote:  Why is it that when your doorbell rings at 7pm and you rush to answer it and find a cute boy standing on your porch that positively reeks of all that is Patrick Dempsey, oh why, oh why does he turn out to be your best friend's beau??? hee hee!>

"Yes, daddy, I know.  It will be stupid if she gets a dog and they make it bionic, too.  Yes, you are right," I say as mom keeps her head down while she giggles over her brie.  

It's at this point that my father, almost simultaneously, scoops out the last of the chicken salad and eats the majority of the pineapple which he then puts the lid on and pushes it to the side as if to say "that will be all of that."

So I sit, nibble onmy tiny crum of dairy and wait for the clock to tick to 12:45.   Stomach rumbling, I put away the stuttered meal and head to the bathroom in my bedroom.   "This one's off limits until after your book club!  Tell that husband of yours not to even so much as pee in this one!  It was all over the seat!  And the floor!" cried my mother as I gave her a kiss and headed out the door.

That's when it hit me.

A powerful smell so strong that my nose hairs felt singed, my eyes watered and I felt as if I may lose consciousness.  

"MOM!  HOLY CRAP!  DID YOU EVEN DILUTE THE BLEACH?"  I yelled.

"Well, yes, of course!"  She looked affronted. And then grinned.  "After I put it on the floor, I did!"

Bouncing off the walls as the blackness descended on me I could hear dad yelling at me, "Hey - I need some dvds to watch! What can I watch?"

I rushed out the door, pawing at the garage door opener to try to make it to freedom and fresh air. 

And that, my dear friends, is how I spent my lunch.  Being starved.   Spittled on.  And gassed.  

A tale of more horror than most Halloween stories.   No headless horseman could compare to Ma and Pa Adkins and their ability to make even a simple lunch into a blog-worthy event.

 

Oh - and I'm not supposed to tell you this but apparently Harry almost got to see a brawl at work today between a co-worker and another, presidently, gentleman.

"Did you try to break it up?" I asked.

"Hell no!  I was trying to figure out how to get up and run without anyone noticing!" 

Sorry, hon, but that was too funny not to be told. 

 

Evil Husbandless Duo

Cindy and I are often left home alone. Our husbands go off on grand adventures while we are left stewing and doing laudry. 

We'd had enough.

Introducing - the "EVIL HUSBANDLESS DUO!" 

That's me on the left with the killer handbag of, ya know, evil stuff.  And Cindy is on the right with the laptop bag - she being the brains of duo.  We spend our husbandless days doing mean things like rearranging artfully arranged GI Joe battle armour and switching  underwear tags (S-L, L-S) just to cause mayhem!