Security Needed - Apply Within

I'm going to post an ad in the paper/Craigslist/local Unemployment office.

LOCAL SECURITY NEEDED

LATE HOURS

RUDE CUSTOMERS

BRUTE FORCE NEEDED

MUST KEEP WOMAN FROM HER OWN REFRIGERATOR.

For the past two nights I have cuddled my kid, let him thrash about on top of me while crying and giggling like some sort of bi-polar rolly-polly, and then drifted to the kitchen to stare in to the fridge.

Last night I decided, at 11pm, that the only way to be able to sleep well was to load up a casserole dish with broccoli, cheese and Panko and eat my way into oblivion. Tonight was no exception as I scooped up the last of the sour cream, salsa and chips into my gaping maw.

I've tried busying myself with other tasks but I find that only delays the inevitable.

So, instead of dieting (that would be foolish), I have decided the only reasonable option is to hire a large man to stand in my kitchen like a bouncer and make sure my name is NOT on the list.

Yup. That's the only reasonable option.

Maybe I could be the next Jenny Craig?

Or Marie Osmond?

Or Kirstie Alley?

Yup - I'm totallllly Kirstie. :)