Monday, June 8, 2009

gRAPES of Wrath...

"Wanna do it?"  Harry proposed as I laid in bed, a sweaty, greasy, house-worked, over-worked lump of mass; however, I did contemplate his proposition momentarily.
"Uh, no," I said and went back to reading my book, ironically titled, "Holly's Inbox."
"C'mon.  Let's do it."
"No," I repeated.  I was skanky.  I had just spent the majority of the day cleaning and then had to iron his shirts for the upcoming week.   After twenty minutes of sweating over a steaming iron I finally had Harry check the air conditioning unit.   It was determined through a series of investigations - that the heat was still on.   He was lucky to even be alive to postulate copulation much less retain the use of those prized parts after that incident. 
"I'm skanky.  Go away." I rolled on to my side away from him.  
"Fine," he said.  "Rapin' the wife, rapin' the wife, I'm rapin' the wife," he sang under his breath as he tugged on my star-bedazzled panties.  
"Stop that!"  I said, trying not to laugh.  
"Hold still!"  He smacked the cheek nearest to him. 
"Harry!" I rolled over on to my stomach and put my face in the pillow - my lame attempts to hide.  
"Now you've done it.  That's it.   Now you're gonna make me have to-" SLIIIIIIIIIIIIP!  "Aghhh!" CRASH. 
I popped my head up. "Hey! Where'd you go?"  
"Ouuuuuuuuuuuuch..."  Harry said from the floor. Apparently, in his attempts to collect upon his husbandly "rights" he ventured too close to the edge of the bed and his knee slipped on the 1,000 thread count sheets and ended up, face-down and spread eagle in the bedroom floor. 
"You okay?" I asked in between loud fits of laughter. 
"Uh huh.  Owww."
"You done trying to rape me?"
"Uh huh.   Don't blog about this."
"I wouldn't dare."



Emily Suess said...

I was having kind of a cruddy Tuesday. Thanks for the laugh!

Amy said...

Really, he should know that when he says 'Don't blog about this.''s on. LOL

Summer said...

I'm with Amy.

If only poor Harry had thought before your wedding to include "I promise to NOT blog about sacred XXX events in our lives." in the marital vows!!!