Thursday, November 29, 2012

I am Super (Sand) Man

If I were given a wish to have a super power that could be anything in the world - I would not hesitate to seal my fate.  In my younger days I'd have wished for Teleportation power or Telepathic power, or even the power to be able to calculate a 20% tip in just seconds (this is my husband's power - one he flaunts every time we go out to eat). 
But now that I'm a mom, and I'm old, and I am sleeping in storage (the renovation is nearing it's end! yay!) I wish for just one Super Power ---

To be able to fall asleep instantaneously.  
I would love to be able to say "Hey! It's 10pm and the kid will be up at 6am! I need to go to sleep!" and then drift seamlessly off into Dreamland to meet up with Nathan Fillion and Jeremy Renner on a fluffy cloud pillow in the sky.  Nakeys.  

But I digress.  

A lot.  Mmmm.....  :)


Ever since my kid was born it's like I can't get enough of the good stuff - that REM sleep that turns people into true humans and separates the Perky from the Petulant.   I'm pretty sure that, at one time, I considered myself "too bored to function" and would nap just for the hell of it.  I used to spend hours just lounging in bed doing nothing but dozing until the clock would roll from single digits to double and back to singles again.  That girl could sleep in a car, a bed, on a couch, and even, on the rare occasion, at her desk at work.  :)

I hate that girl.  

Now I go to bed by 12am, knowing that I will drift off into the Land of Total Exhaustion by 2am.  If I go to bed earlier - I still don't clock out until 2am.  
Get up earlier?
It's like my body is trying to rid itself of all possible energy before hitting the internal Snooze Button. 
But why?
I have a kid to take care of!
A house to pretend to clean!
Laundry that must be sorted and never washed!
A bathtub and toilets that must be noted to clean "later"!

I think I'm just reverse aging.  My body is slowing down but my mind is speeding up.  Like some kind of cruel twist of fate, I am destined to be the smartest person I know (ahahah! ) but have the reflexes of a half-dead turtle.  

Maybe someday I'll be granted those awesome Super Power of Sleep  --- or a prescription for Ambien. 
You know, whatever comes first! :)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Excellent choice of super power! C