Monday, December 6, 2010

Giving Up

As the year 2011 approaches I realize that my life has been less about what I wanted and more about what others have wanted from me.
I am a born people-pleaser.
I may be able to craft a story, type quite a few words a minute (not well, but still!) and I can make the best of most any situation - but I've often felt I was one of those people born to make others shine that much more brightly.
My sister was the brain (even though her grades didn't show it) and she was the beauty (her trophies did show that) and I was - the other one. I often referred to myself as the Danny DeVito of "Twins" - that my sis sucked up the gene pool so that only the leftover crap and sludge caught in the filter was what constructed my DNA.
I lacklusterly finished college with a BA in Criminal Justice - a degree so useless that it is often mentioned first in 2am infomercials to the weak-willed and weaker-minded. Fresh out of college I reached far in my pursuit of Career Advancement - and started work as a Receptionist. At a second-rate law firm. A place that was lovingly nicknamed "Hell" whilst I sat in the lobby and let my brain rot on Harry Potter fan fiction and my butt expand on the consumption of poorly placed Hershey's miniatures.
But things have changed.
And although I am still a people pleaser - I find that my ability to please only one, tiny, demanding person, at a time is --- enjoyable.
So although I may not be a world famous authoress as I once intended - I'm happy now to just be Baby Harry's mom - a fact that should embarrass my semi-feminist bod to the core - but I find it's actually soothing.
I'm not giving up my life for him - I'm just --- giving.

Then again, I could wake up tomorrow in a blind panic and find myself in two years' time, at 3 am on one of those infomercials saying "I'm a Phoenix!"

Merry Christmas Cyberland!


Lisa said...

Holly, after 11 years in retail I too am a people pleaser, your baby is growing up fast and I can relate to what you are saying about being born to make others shine more bright, my mom prefers my brother to me, Hugs Lisa

Amy said...

"I'm a Phoenix!" along with the thumbs up, yes?

The only infomercials I've been seeing lately is the Trojan 'massager' and acne cream. Awesome combination...

Anonymous said...

Hey, Holly, I was going to tell you something reassuring but then I saw the photo and forgot all about YOU. Hahahaa! -Cindy
(Oh, you know I think you are awesome. You are doing exactly what you need to be doing right now, and doing it very well, Mommy.)